[Balthazar]

Tableau and the Dream-Weaver

Page One

Panel One: Our hero, Jeremy Tableau, is asleep in bed. He’s a young black man in his early-to-mid twenties. He’s half naked with only black boxer briefs on which is currently covered with his bed sheets. He’ll only be wearing the boxer-briefs throughout the script. He looks a bit uneasy as he’s asleep. We won’t be seeing much of his room with the type of shots coming up, but if it’d help in any way, his room is neatly kept. There’s a large amount of books on one side of the room and a TV set with movies across the bed. There are also a lot of different types of artifacts, such as African masks on the wall, statues and art pieces from different cultures. His walls are black and white, the color side-by-side from each wall. One wall is white, the next is black, and so on. Once again, no need to go out of the way to showcase all of this. I’m pretty sure we’ll mostly only be seeing the bed/bed sheets which should be black and white also.

Jeremy: ngh!…

Panel Two: Jeremy has now woken up in a jolt as he’s sitting up. Sweat pouring down, his face showing a state of shock.

Panel Three: Another shot of Jeremy this time covering his face.

Jeremy: Ugh, what the ****…

SFX: ssssSSSSSSSSssssss…..

Panel Four: Wide panel shot of now a giant and horrific python standing up besides the bed, hissing at Jeremy with it’s jaws wide open. The snake should be as tall as the ceiling and taking an immense amount of room.

Jeremy: You’ve gotta be fuc--

Panel Five: Same shot as panel five on the last page, only this time the python has dropped it’s jaws around Jeremy, engulfing him.



Page Two

Panel One: Jeremy is now inside of the snake but instead of the surrounds resembling the actual insides of the python, there’s a ton of space around him as if he were underwater in the ocean. He’s swimming around, the water being a tint of red. Behind him we see a shadow of a figure from a distance.

Panel Two: Jeremy is still floating wondering where he is, his head looking at a different direction while behind him the weird figure is getting larger.

Panel Three: Same shot, but Jeremy has now turned around and sees the figure much closer to him. The creature is extremely horrifying, like something out of a sci-fi movie as it’s swimming near him. For reference of what I have in mind, check out the sci-fi flick The Faculty and see the look of the alien in it’s natural form. Teeth are clenched and ready to be used as it’s gotten so much closer in such a short time at Jeremy.

Panel Four: Close-up on Jeremy, his eyes filled with complete shock and fright.

Panel Five: Jeremy is swimming upwards, pedaling his feet quickly to get to the top as the creature is at his tail.

Panel Six: A shot looking from the top down at Jeremy, struggling to reach for the top as the creature is a lot closer to him, it’s mouth completely wide open about to engulf Jeremy the way the python before had eaten him.



Page Three

Panel One: We’re in a completely different setting now. The ground is literally a floor of bones and skulls. The red tint from the water is gone as this area is completely dry and a bit dull, mostly black and white, the skies being a black and gray vortex and the skulls and bones being the white. There’s also a collection of headstones aligned next to each other, six of them. In the middle of the ground we see a hand emerging from down under, the hand belonging to Jeremy.

Panel Two: A shot in front of Jeremy as he’s crawling himself up from the ground, dry as if he weren’t underwater. We don’t see the head stones as this shot is in front of him where the head stones are to him.

Panel Three: He’s finally completely out from below as he’s on his knees catching his breath.

Addam (off-panel): Now if it isn’t my black sheep of a son.

Panel Four: Now we’re looking at the directions of the headstones, Jeremy still on his knees but looking up as a man is leaning against one of the headstones. So for this shot we should be behind Jeremy. The mystery man resembles Jeremy but is much older and bigger. He’s wearing a black and white suit, his arms crossed with a clove cigarette in his mouth, smoke flowing out the tip of it forming random faces.

Addam: Even while I’m dead I still feel disappointed. You’ve pretty much been the death of me. Hell, I’m sitting on my headstones as is.

Panel Five: A close-up of Jeremy’s eyes looking angrily, this should be a small panel not taking up too much space.

Panel Six-Seven: Small panels showcasing the names on the headstones this this order: Jai Tableau, Roxanne Tableau, Lebeur, Sarah Williams, Gerard Owens. These two panels should be very small and long going across the page, not taking much space at all. There’s also dialogue balloons for each headstone, the dialogue belonging to Addam.

Addams: (referring to Jai) My fantastic and favorite child… (referring to Roxanne) My loving and beautiful wife… (Lebeur) Our pet, part of the family practically… (Sarah) As innocent as a roses’ pedal… (Gerard) Hell, even your best friend… You just can’t help but destroy what you touch, huh?



Page Four

For panels one-three, they should all be aligned together side-by-side.

Panel One: Close-up of Jeremy pissed.

Jeremy: You’re not my father.

Panel Two: Close-up of Addam with a sinister smile on his face,

Panel Three: Back to Jeremy as he’s reached out his hand towards us.

Jeremy: Into the light I command thee! Who the **** are you?!

Panel Four and Five are side-by-side. Dialogue balloon is connected in the middle of the panels, pointing to whoever is speaking.

Panel Four: Back to Addam, only this time he’s resembled someone else. A black man, much slim and slender than Addam was with a long goatee each his torso. His eyes are very intimidating and frightening. He’s also wearing a top hat and a black suit jacket over a black t-shirt and black slacks. He also has a black cane with a skull on top of it. The black clove cigarette is still in his mouth forming small faces of smoke. This man is Dr. Dorme Revv.

Panel Five: Back to Jeremy, still fumed.

Dr. Revv: So this is the infamous Jeremy Tableau. Not impressed, I must say. I hear so much things about you. I was expecting more… especially considering who your father is… was.

Jeremy: You didn’t answer my question. And what the hell do you want with me?

Dr. Revv: You’ve no idea who I am, do you? Ha. Oh you will know. My name is Dr. Dorme Revv.

Jeremy: You’re a Dream-Weaver.

Dr. Revv: And I want revenge.

Jeremy: For what? What the **** did I do to you? I don’t even know you!

Dr. Revv: Rochelle Marshal is my wife. You ****ed her a few nights ago.



Page Five

Panel One: A side shot of both Revv and Jeremy standing across from each other with space in between them. In the background which we’ll see between them is a mattress with two figures having sex under sheets. We only see the back of the guy who’s suppose to be Jeremy and the arms of a woman on his back. This is a re-imagine of what happened between Jeremy and Revv’s wife. Jeremy is looking at the direction of the mattress, Revv is still looking deep at Jeremy, pissed.

Dr. Revv: And don’t you dare deny that isn’t you.

Rochelle: Oh Jeremy Tableau! Fuuuuck me!

Jeremy: Crud! In my defense, I didn’t know she was married!

Panel Two: Close-up of Jeremy looking embarrassed.

Rochelle (off-panel): Oh, my God, Jeremy! If only my husband ****ed me like this!

Jeremy: …yeeeeaaaahhh…

Panel Three: Revv has struck his cane across Jeremy’s head, blood bursting out.

SFX: THWACK!

Panel Four: Jeremy is on his knees as Dr. Revv is behind him choking him with his cane and his hands are literally phrasing through Jeremy’s head. Jeremy is in excruciating pain as blood is leaking from where Revv’s fingers are in Jeremy’s head and tears are falling from his eyes as one hand is trying to fight Revv’s arm off while the other hand is trying to push the cane off. Revv’s face is next to Jeremy’s ears as if he were whispering in his ears very menacingly.

Dr. Revv: Remember how this feels.

Panel Five: We’re back to Jeremy’s bedroom as he’s lain in his bed in terrible pain. He’s crunched to a fetal position and his hands are pressed hard against his head, eyes are in pain with tears falling out.

Jeremy: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Revv (off-panel): Until next time, mother****er.

[Red]

I like your descriptions. If you get good art, this could look quite good. If I were you, I'd drop the "Into the light I command thee" line, it sounds out of place. (Plus, the connotations aren't necessarily the best )

[Balthazar]

Ha! Thanks for the read, Pal! And I actually wanted that line in reference to the movie despite the hate it gets. Sometimes controversy brings attention, yes?

[Red]

Kill your darlings... The point is that it sounds all wrong! Why not have him say something creole?

(Also, you need to proofread a bit. Not a very important criticism, but still)

[Balthazar]

Red, on 03 November 2009 - 09:00 AM, said:

Kill your darlings... The point is that it sounds all wrong! Why not have him say something creole?

(Also, you need to proofread a bit. Not a very important criticism, but still)

I get what you're saying. Thanks!

And yeah, when I was at work and re-read this I noticed a ton of mistakes. And I do think it's an important criticism. It's something I never like to do right after writing my stuff. I'm gonna need to break that habit.