I am happy for your breakthrough, 7c. Epiphanies like that can feel really good, and the chance to restructure your life is worth taking. As for your mother, you may well be right that her reality check is damaged. If you're right that she has a personality disorder, parts of that can impact the way she actually perceives and interprets the world around her. I had a girlfriend once who was abusive and had massive problems. It took a couple of years afterwards to realize that a)she had been gaslighting me quite a lot, and b)part of the reason for that was that she really had a distorted view of the world. So when I thought it was obvious to everyone, including herself, that she was being unreasonable, she didn't see it, because her own intense emotions clouded her perception.
Of course, I don't know your mother, but from what you describe, it sounds like she may very well not understand how her behaiour affects you, or her responsibility for how the relationship works. I think some distance could be necessary for you. Maybe later you can reconnect, when you feel stronger and more able to deal with her. Good luck!