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A. Heathen

Constanteen Poll (PG13)

What effect has the movie hype Behemoth had on you, now that it has begun to roll, crushing the bodies of thirteen year olds under its wheels ?  

19 members have voted

  1. 1. What effect has the movie hype Behemoth had on you, now that it has begun to roll, crushing the bodies of thirteen year olds under its wheels ?

    • I am getting more likely to see this film
      4
    • I am getting less likely to see this film
      2
    • PG13 bad, four legs good
      3
    • "I [HEART] the gr8 Shia, thiz flm 'll ROXXX !" OR "I am a Keanu fan, and so will see the film at least seven times, but they shouldn't have done that to Hellblazer"
      2
    • Hi, my name's Tom, I would like to introduce you to my eye gouging service
      5
    • They made a film of Constantine ? Those BASTARDS !
      3
    • I am a Warner Bros employee seeking to influence this poll in favor (sic) of the film and I will bring the preview over to London in ten days' time
      0


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Meanwhile, here are some of my greatest hits:

 

I heard that they needed longer to do the CGI demons so as they look less like Shrek.

 

But I heard they had to re-dub all the dialogue in Constantine.

Because it might make more sense in Aramaic.

 

I heard the film was delayed so they can get a couple more TPB collections out.

 

No, really.

And they want to CGI a cute little blue demon sidekick into the film.

 

I heard that they delayed it to refilm all of Nic Cage's scenes with that nice Ted "Theodore" Logan out of The Matrix. Has anyone else heard this ?

 

I heard that the reason the Constantine film has been delayed is so that they can do CGI stuff to Shia, so he looks like a forty year old taxi driver, you know, like that pink monkey fellow in Lord of the Rings.

 

 

 

And these two are my faves (not including the one where I say "PG-13 MY ARSE!")

 

JULY 4th 2004

Let us be clear that the problems with "Constanteen" can be condensed down to two phrases: "PG13" and "derivative of Buffy/Angel".

 

Now the latter is understandable. Hollywood loves safety, whereas the best cinema is invariably risky - or "different". But why can't someone make an adult movie with the source material provided by nigh on 200 issues of Hellblazer ?

 

 

Posted: 17 Aug 2004 21:00 Post subject: Constanteen amnesty

 

It's been a good week for the film.

 

The poster scans look quite nice.

We have a Hellblazer fan who likes what they have seen.

The new soundtrack person worked on Bubba Ho Tep.

 

Now all we need is to find out the delay is to rebrand it from PG13 to R.

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I don't really see how changing it from PG-13 to R would iron out any of its major flaws.

 

In fact, I don't really understand why it SHOULD be a PG-13, except maybe the grimness of the storyline and intensity of some scenes.

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With the way this movie was plotted and conceived, R-rating would just mean more sex, gratuitous violence, and swearing; none of which would fix any of the problems we point out in the film.

 

Yeah, I'd say it's PG-13 because it has some shocking horror scenes, probably has a few very violent moments, and there's a simulated sex scene (from what I've heard). Maybe because they actually kept some swearing in it from the comic, also? I also thinking keeping it PG-13 vs. PG appeals to the teenager demographic they are obviously going for. A 15 year old wouldn't want to see something his little sister/brother could see. They want something that they feel is "cutting edge" (ala the Buffy/Angel comparisons).

 

he he....little blue demon thing flying around....

he he....John Constanteen battles Shrek, the evil troll king....

I think this movie could be saved by having little surreal/absurdist touches thrown in, pretending to play them straight. I'd go see the movie if it didn't take itself seriously and realized it was a contrived piece of crap!

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Apparently there's 2 of me, what gives with that???

 

Blah, American Constanteen, Blah teen-sidekick, Blah Christianity, Blah derivitive crap, Blah fucking Blah, fucking Blah.

 

Piece of shit.

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Fun poll, but truthfully I knew from groaning day 1 I'd go see this movie. Yeah I know it's going to be a complete mockery of the books I've been reading for years. I was heartily dissappointed from the very instant I heard Keanu's name. But bottom line...I'll still go see it. What can I say, I'm a huge movie fan I see many many many movies. This will be another one of them.

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With the way this movie was plotted and conceived, R-rating would just mean more sex, gratuitous violence, and swearing; none of which would fix any of the problems we point out in the film.

 

 

At least then it would be a little more fun.....I like some gratuitous violence (specially that involving demons) in my movies.

 

But anyway an R rating would mean that they werent catering exclusively to the money crowd which in turn would mean that they made the movie to appeal to people with an IQ larger than their shoe size.

 

However since it IS PG-13 that means its almost definitely simplistic and stupid which are things Hellblazer is not.

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But anyway an R rating would mean that they werent catering exclusively to the money crowd which in turn would mean that they made the movie to appeal to people with an IQ larger than their shoe size.

 

That might just be the most ridiculous thing I've heard in ages. No disrespect.

 

"R rated" just means tits, ass, swearing and more twatting about with fire-arms.

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That might just be the most ridiculous thing I've heard in ages. No disrespect.

 

"R rated" just means tits, ass, swearing and more twatting about with fire-arms.

 

Only with respect to modern hollywood films. There was time that you would get intelligent movies made not to appeal to some teen demographic but for adults. I don't think we would have ever got to see that type of Hellblazer movie being made.

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Only with respect to modern hollywood films. There was time that you would get intelligent movies made not to appeal to some teen demographic but for adults.  I don't think we would have ever got to see that type of Hellblazer movie being made.

 

yeah i meant hollywood movies i shouldve clarified.

 

and willecome, i dont mean that all R rated movies are aimed towards adult, intelligent audiences. WHat i DO mean is that nowadays in mainstream Hollywood, adult concepts are often being dumbed down to PG 13 standards (simplified, shot through with puerile humor etc) so that teenagers can come and buy more tickets. There are Numerous examples of movies that would normally be R rated that ended up PG 13 - horror movies are a good example of this. Rare was the PG 13 horror movie justfive years ago. Nowadays more than half of them are PG 13. This is a trend much discussed in the film community - see this interview with Paul Verhoeven and WIlliam Friedkin for more of this -

 

http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/2004_01/nosex.php

 

so basically what I mean is not that all R rated movies are for smarter people and all PG 13 movies are for dumb people but that there is a tendency to simplify and sterilize adult concepts for teen audiences. So nowadays an R rating often (BUT NOT ALWAYS) indicates a willingness to experiment at least a little bit. This was not true five years ago.

 

And btw R rated movies dont generally make as much money as PG 13 or lower rated movies.

 

Tell me if you think this is ridiculous too and I shall attempt a rebuttal.

 

And i think to say an R rating means swearing, tits and ass and twatting about with guns is ridiculous, actually.

 

But then I guess we were both generalizing then. Sorry about that.

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no, i voted "I am getting less likely to see this film" but then again, your everyone on this board anyhow, so your maybe 5 different incarnations of tom right :)?

I just got caught up in the idea of spoon gauging :rolleyes:

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Tom Sawyer, Tom Jones, Tom without Jerry, Tom Waits and Tom Willecome - each with a spoon in hand...

 

...

Why be a fool when you can chase away

Your blind and your gloom

I have blessed each one of these bullets

And they shine just like a spoon

To have sixty silver wishes

Is a small price to pay

They'll be your private little fishes

And they'll never swim away

I just want you to be happy

That's my only wish

I'll fix your wagon and your musket

And the spoon will have his dish...

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well, those producers may be sly, but they're no foxes...

 

 

i would consider it an act of mercy, really... :p

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