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A. Heathen

That Awful Film on DVD

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So, now they have unleashed Constanteen on the home viewing market along with commentaries from several of the guilty parties.

 

As a public service, here is a summary:

 

Constanteen is attempting to get to Heaven rather than Hell.

This is incontrovertably shown in the film. NO WAY OUT.

Constantine would rather go to neither, thankyou very much.

Constanteen uses weaponry from his holy arse-nal.

(Yes, some of these work better in the film than on paper, but you don't need me to tell you which one is a bag o' shite.)

Constantine might well get Chas to sort that sort of business out for him.

 

Oh, yes. Chaz. Wize-Ass Teen Sidekick. Best thing he does is die.

Just to make matters worse, it is reported that he comes back as an angel after the end credits.

Chas. Nuff said.

 

Constanteen: "God has a plan for us all, I had to die twice to find out".

Constantine: godswill.jpg

 

Constanteen whines to Gabriel about having sent all them demons back to Hell, so God should be nice to him.

Constantine sleeps with demonesses (sorry, "extra scenes that were cut in a vague attempt to get a better rating DO NOT COUNT.)

 

Constanteen replaces his ciggies with gum.

Constantine smokes immediately after his demonic cure for cancer.

 

These are the obvious contrasts. I haven't even started on the film's own internal inconsistencies and weaknesses.

 

So please, feel free to post comments from any of the extras on your lovely crappy double DVD where the perpetrators try and absolve themselves.

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If there going to have a female Gabriel,can't they at least make her see everything black and white like the male version? And they should've thrown in an american version of Charlie Patterson while they were at it.

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So, now they have unleashed Constanteen on the home viewing market along with commentaries from several of the guilty parties.

 

As a public service, here is a summary:

 

Constanteen is attempting to get to Heaven rather than Hell.

This is incontrovertably shown in the film. NO WAY OUT.

Constantine would rather go to neither, thankyou very much.

Constanteen uses weaponry from his holy arse-nal.

(Yes, some of these work better in the film than on paper, but you don't need me to tell you which one is a bag o' shite.)

Constantine might well get Chas to sort that sort of business out for him.

 

Oh, yes. Chaz. Wize-Ass Teen Sidekick. Best thing he does is die.

Just to make matters worse, it is reported that he comes back as an angel after the end credits.

Chas. Nuff said.

 

Constanteen: "God has a plan for us all, I had to die twice to find out".

Constantine: godswill.jpg

 

Constanteen whines to Gabriel about having sent all them demons back to Hell, so God should be nice to him.

Constantine sleeps with demonesses (sorry, "extra scenes that were cut in a vague attempt to get a better rating DO NOT COUNT.)

 

Constanteen replaces his ciggies with gum.

Constantine smokes immediately after his demonic cure for cancer.

 

These are the obvious contrasts. I haven't even started on the film's own internal inconsistencies and weaknesses.

 

So please, feel free to post comments from any of the extras on your lovely crappy double DVD where the perpetrators try and absolve themselves.

 

 

my op:

in the dangerous habits tpb he drinks tea and whiskey with kim, but he dont lights a single cigarette. but still shyte that he quitted it in the film. but i think he wont be succesfull :)

oh and he didnt say he cares about gods will, just that now he knows that it exists :) (i had to die twice just to figure that out. some people like it, some people dont: thats not an opinion, just a statement :))

and i think it counts that there was a scene where he slept with ellie. and remember what he said to gabriel "you should go to hell half-breed" . no one said that he dont kills angels or hasnt got demon friends.

and i dont know what all that has done to the dvd? :blink:

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Haven't we already gone through all this before?

 

BTW the panel in question was from #110, the first part of the "Last Man Standing" arc where Constantine meets King Arthur and Merlin. An alright Jenkins story but not one of the finer Hellblazer tales. It was part of a foreshadowing dream sequence. It's also the storyline from where ACX Chan got her vaguely homoerotic avatar of Constantine kissing Arthur.

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Haven't we already gone through all this before?

 

Yes, which is why I was soliciting comments on the DVD extras.

Clearly none of the points I raise can be subject to argument.

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It'd be cool if some enterprising type swiped the audio commentary tracks and stuck im online.

 

they do john, it's called a torrent and you not only get the commentary but the pictures to go with it too.

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i dont think theyll explain how the film was made out from the comic and why the changes, they just discuss the film itself i think.

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I'm sure they'll say the same claptrap they've been spouting since the begining.

 

"Well, sure it's not the comic, but that doesn't make it bad, just different. We didn't want to make another SUPERHERO movie, you see. We wanted to do something different, which isn't to say either version is superior to the other. I mean, who really cares that we made John American or blonde? He's still the same John Constantine!" :rolleyes:

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Piece of shit! Piece of shit! Piece of shit! Piece of shit! Piece of shit! Piece of shi-it!

 

Aw, c'mon you knew I had to do it sometime.

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My word, Mr. Willecome, between here and the "I Hate Garth Ennis Hellblazer" threads, you seem to be quite an angry fellow.

 

And I always thought you were the happy one (or am I getting you and Mr. E. D. Meaner mixed up again?)

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It's strange that we have forum members to whom "piece of shit!" is an unfamiliar cry. Hell, I was a latecomer, and I still remember it echoing around the old boards...

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My word, Mr. Willecome, between here and the "I Hate Garth Ennis Hellblazer" threads, you seem to be quite an angry fellow.

 

And I always thought you were the happy one (or am I getting you and Mr. E. D. Meaner mixed up again?)

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Yes. Just a wee bit. :biggrin:

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I'm sure they'll say the same claptrap they've been spouting since the begining.

 

"Well, sure it's not the comic, but that doesn't make it bad, just different. We didn't want to make another SUPERHERO movie, you see. We wanted to do something different, which isn't to say either version is superior to the other. I mean, who really cares that we made John American or blonde? He's still the same John Constantine!" :rolleyes:

Trying to get into Heaven? I don't think so.

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