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Simple binary Constanteen poll

How do you feel about this film, based upon what you have heard/read ?  

25 members have voted

  1. 1. How do you feel about this film, based upon what you have heard/read ?

    • I am mostly positive about this film.
      9
    • I am mostly negative about this film.
      16


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Even if it's a close thing, try and make a choice.

Feel free to enumerate your reasons in this thread, and if possible say if you've read the script, seen the 20 minute preview or seen the full unfinished film.

 

Here's me:

 

Read the script.

(Still available to see the "unfinished version".)

 

POSITIVES

That they made a film of Hellblazer.

Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, Peter Stormare, Djimon Hounsou.

That they kept the lung cancer.

The main plot is in keeping with the source material.

The central characters in the version I read were well-rounded.

Stan Winston special effects (although I'd have preferred less CGI).

A couple of set-piece scenes sound great (exorcism & priest death).

A spoilery thing that I still refuse to discuss despite some arse blowing it in their "review".

 

NEGATIVES

That they made a Hollywood film of Hellblazer.

PG-fucking-13.

Chaz, the comedy relief sidekick.

Beeman, the comedy relief exposition man.

Holy Shotgun scene.

The immolation of John's motivation in playing Satan against God.

That spoilery thing has been weakened by recent scene additions.

Bowl of water.

Constanteen's super power secret origin nonsense.

 

NEUTRALS (hopeful optimism)

The soundtrack guy did good in Bubba Ho Tep - but I hope they don't do a kid-rock compilation soundtrack.

 

 

On balance I am mostly positive, because the cast and story things will take up more time than the niggling irritants. I reserve the right to shout abuse at the screen when Chaz appears, when the computer game demon shooting occurs and when the bucket of water song needs to be sung.

 

The single most annoying thing is Constanteen's motivations have been watered down (presumably with that bucket of water) to appease the religiose moral majority.

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Mostly I'm negative on Constantine. I've only seen the trailer and read the script snippets, not the whole thing.

 

Positives:

Some of the actors seem like they may be competent

 

At least by looks, good casting for Papa Midnite

 

The cop-woman might be a good character

 

The film might get a few more people into Hellblazer who weren't reading it before

 

Items from the publicity suggest some of the actors and the writer some of the time understood the

comic

 

 

Negatives:

All the schlocky action/adventure sequences, absolutely including the holey shitgun

 

Going to hell in a bucket (of water)

 

Casting Reeves as Constantine

 

The unnecessary romance. (Folks here on STH keep saying that JC will pretty much make it with anyone

he's attracted to at any time, but from Jenkins' run onward, with few exceptions he's shacked

up with people who he is at least somewhat compatible with.)

 

The replacement of Chas with the obnoxious, demographic-chasing Chaz, and the consequent removal of

one of the best relationships in HB. (This is a shame because WB could have cast Chas with one of

those unassuming but studly actors that Hollywood is so good at coming up with these day)

 

Making Constantine kiss up to heaven and God

 

The ruining of Hellblazer's atmosphere, replacing the comic's old, low-tech world with a pushy, cell-phone

using, SUV driving, highrise office building LA

 

Some parts of the script look pretty bad

 

Reeves' flat, uninteresting use of his voice, as heard in the trailer. (I think of Constantine as having an

unobtrusive but memorable voice.)

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Mostly negative.

 

Positives-

looks like a semi-decent horrorish movie

um . . .

people might read more Hellblazer

 

Negatives

It's not John Constantine

It's not John Conatantine

It's not John Fucking Constantine!!!

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Positives:

 

That Keanu is actually a better choice in the end then last attached star Nick Cage. Go see National Treasure to see what I mean.

 

Tone and style of the comic has been perfectly realized by Francis Lawrence and the production designers.

 

Film makers replaced tired and overused occult devices such as candles and pentagrams with something more provacative. You have to actually see it to understand what I mean.

 

The organic nature of Constantine's world and work has been retained. No high tech gadgets, no cell phones, no SUV's.

 

No silly romance between female lead and John.

 

Johns attitude has been retained altough is somewhat darker than comic but this seems to work by the nature of the Dangerous Habit's spine.

 

Rachel Weiss is phonomenal in the film and her story really shines.

 

Not too much CGI or in your face FX.

 

Measured pace, no MTV style cutting to amp everything up.

 

John's use of simple cons to get what he needs.

 

No car chases.

 

No explosions.

 

Jude Law is not in this film, the only one he isn;t in in 2004.

 

NEGATIVES

 

Chaz as a young sidekick.

 

Keanu's hair should have been buzzed cut.

 

No sex with demons.

 

Holy shotgun only used for 30 seconds (just to rattle the cage)

 

It's not out now.

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Positives: I'm positive I'm not going to see it.

 

Negatives: Risible low-com-denom schlock.

 

But seriously folks;

 

Positives:

 

There might be more interest in the character, although they character in the film bares little or no resemblence to the one in the books. Hell, they don't even pronounce their name in the same way.

 

I wouldn't have found this website and gotten to know some of the top-notch folks on here were it not for my ire over this shambles.

 

Gavin Rossdale may decide to give up music to persue an acting career (we can hope).

 

Negatives:

 

A complete waste of several fine actors (specifically Rachel Weisz, Tilda Swinton, Peter Stormare) but I guess we all have to pay the bills.

 

That most people will associate the character of John Constantine with some God-bothering yank with super-powers.

 

Matadoor.

 

That the producers of the film don't seem to have the foggiest notion of what makes the character tick.

 

I still don't get the idea of an American Constantine, you know?

 

I just don't see the fucking point.

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Sorry Tears, but because you rattled my cage with the Holy Shotgun of Antioch, I am going to have to disqualify your two digs at other actors. Saying that it's not got Nic Cage or Jude Law is the equivalent to saying "I am positive about this film because there is not a scene where Gene Kelly dances with Satan and his hordes of demons, while Judy Garland sings Constanteen's Theme".

 

(I'll give you that Josh's romance dig is also disqualified because there is not one in what I have read. Although I am suspicious after they added in that scene which we will not talk about.)

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POSITIVES:

*A mostly excellent cast.

*Some really good scenes (Keanu vs. Balthazaar, alcohol poisoning, the mirror "deportation").

*No stupid romance (subject to change).

*The still shots look lovely.

*It's kept Stan Winston in work.

*It's introduced the book to lovely people like Krix, Balthazaar, Ocean, Double and Shanice.

*Er...

*That's it.

 

NEGATIVES

*The movie completely fucks up Constantine's character by turning him into a bitchy godbotherer (and not in the good way). I'd be prepared to accept almost any other changes if they could at least get his personality right. But they can't. He fucking prays. Why bother calling it an adaptation at all?

*Those wierd tattoos and his stupid habit of banging his forearms together, Power Rangers-style. Whatup wit dat? It looks as stupid as it sounds.

*They've decided to restrict themselves to a purely Judeo-Christian worldview, which severely limits any future Constantine movies to more of the same. Imagine what fun we could have had with the gods and demons of other religions!

*The mythology they've decided to use makes pretty much no sense at all. God and the devil made some kind of bet which meant that only half-breed demons and and angels could walk the Earth... but where did the half-breeds come from if the angels and demons themselves were constrained to Heaven and Hell? Is Gabriel a half-breed? If so, is (s)he a different angel to the one in the Bible? And if lesser demons can push their way onto Earth through the possessed, why does it take the MacGuffin of Destiny and psychics and all that shit to release the second most powerful demon? Eh? And if the second most powerful demon has to have all that crap to get onto Earth, how come The First most powerful demon can just waltz up here like he's on his holidays? And if it's The First's powers that are keeping all the other demons in check, why doesn't he know that the second most powerful demon is trying to come through in the room next door?

*The pointless and shitty "superpower" of being able to see half-breeds, since apparently a protagonist who chose to walk down a path of occultism himself is not allowed.

*The kiddification of Cha(s/z) has robbed the film of one of the comic book's most endearing relationships. But we all know that mature friendships between grown men don't happen unless they're chalk and cheese cops on a mission with only 48 hours to save the day. And don't get me started on that "touched by a Chaz" shit at the end.

*The Holy Shotgun. It was a stupid idea in From Dusk Till Dawn and it's a stupid idea right now. Magic and the supernatural - especially in Hellblazer - should be mysterious, fascinating and arcane but believable. The Holy Shotgun is a perfect example of Hollywood dumbing down concepts so that even snaggletoothed, chinless, rednecked sisterfuckers can understand it (at least use The Ace of Winchesters from the original comic books, man). On a related note...

*Beeman and his supernatural gadgets. He's got a dumb piece of shit for every lame action scene! A matchbox containing a beetle that scares off demons! Holy Knuckledusters! Fireballs in a pipe! The George Foreman Fighting Fit Fat-Free Grill! Genuine imitation diamonds! Call now, we only have fifty copies of this fantastic piece!

*Keanu Reeves. He's not an awful actor (he's nowhere near as bad as Sofia Coppola in Godfather 3), but he just doesn't have the chops to pull off the comic-book Constantine. Then again, neither did the writers, so I guess this complaint's kind of redundant.

*The script reads like it's been heavily hacked up, switched around, pushed, pulled, poked and prodded by multiple authors. Which it has, of course, but you shouldn't be able to tell from just reading it. Characters appear for a couple of scenes then vanish (Vermin, Balthazaar); big exciting car crashes happen but only because the Spear of Destiny subplot would be really fucking boring without them; the final conspiracy relies on the bad guys gathering together about thirty thousand different artifacts and MacGuffins just to summon up a monster that should've been powerful enough to stroll on up to Earth in the first place.

*The fucking bucket of water. Christ. Look, Rachel Weisz in the bath works fine for two reasons:

1- By submerging her head, Keanu is essentially performing a reverse Baptism; one that opens the gates to Hell rather than to Heaven. It's a cute bit of low-key magic that is actually logical and rather effective.

2- Pretty lady all wet.

Meanwhile, Keanu Reeves sticking his feet in a bowl of water and being hypnotised by a cat is just FUCKING RETARDED.

 

I guess that's mostly negative, then.

 

 

Film makers replaced tired and overused occult devices such as candles and pentagrams with something more provacative.  You have to actually see it to understand what I mean.

 

Are you talking about the beetle in a box? You are, aren't you? Stop talking about the beetle in a box!

 

The organic nature of Constantine's world and work has been retained.  No high tech gadgets, no cell phones, no SUV's.

 

Instead you get dumb supernatural gadgets. I SAID STOP TALKING ABOUT THE BEETLE IN A BOX!

 

And there are cell phones in Hellblazer - John just doesn't have one of his own.

 

Johns attitude has been retained altough is somewhat darker than comic but this seems to work by the nature of the Dangerous Habit's spine.

 

I'm not sure I understood that sentence, but if you're saying that John's arsehole demeanour works within the context of the film, I have to disagree. The great thing about Dangerous Habits was that it had many scenes where John was just a regular guy and good friend (his last night with Brendan, the scenes where he says goodbye to his family and Chas, the discussions with Matthew the other cancer patient). This film doesn't have any of that, save a rather nice bit of banter between himself and Midnite just before the final reel.

 

Rachel Weiss is phonomenal in the film and her story really shines.

 

She's pretty. =^_^=

Her story sucks, though. She's mostly just there to get put in danger.

 

Not too much CGI or in your face FX.

 

Um... working from memory:

*The Scavenger being hit by a car.

*The "Deportation".

*John's childhood.

*A business of flies.

*The various visits to Hell.

*Midnite's Club.

*The scenes on the electric chair.

*Angela's kidnapping (dragged through an office block).

*The new bit in the graveyard at the end that we all hate.

*Everything in the final act.

 

No sex with demons.

 

They cut out the bit about Ellie?

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For some reason I decided to forego my gut instinct that reshoots were being made to make Constantine kid-friendly, a decision which led to my starting to look forward to the movie. Certain parts of the script sound like fun and the prospect of a more adult tone and feel weighed against the many negatives I took away from having read the script.

 

The news that Constantine will now, more than likely, be PG13 has taken a sledgehammer to my confidence and now I fear the worst for the movie.

 

Anyway, on with the show....

 

Positives -

 

Balthazar. Reads like an interesting character and he has probably the second best scene in the movie. I can easily picture Rossdale in the role and a couple of the first-look reviews have given his performance the good-word.

 

Ellie. She's Ellie from the comics, instantly recognisable (despite a dodgy CGI addition to her physical apperance) and her final scene left me with a big grin on my face - read like it was played perfectly. That reshoots will give her more screentime, PG13 or not, is welcome news.

 

Original Sins. Delano gets a credit on the IMDB for a reason...Shut up - you'll ruin it!

 

I might get a trip to the States out of it at some point.

 

New readers of Hellblazer, or compadres at the very least. Fine folks like Nettie, Krix and company have all dropped by because of this flick. I've spoken to a couple of Bush fans who're now interested in the comic after hearing of Rossdales involvement in Constantine.

 

Staying with that point, being able to interact with Tears and some folks, especially a couple of office guys, at WB has been an interesting experience. A nice glimpse behind the curtain and it's always cool to meet funky new people.

 

Negatives -

 

John The God Botherer. The clearest indicator that those involved just don't get the character of John Constantine.

 

It's a skill, like carpentry. John Constantine's abilities are no-longer self-taught but rather inate - his own choices haven't led to his place in the world, rather a quirk of birth has made him all that he is. He's more Cole Sears The Elder than anything. That fact that some persons involved with the movie seem to be lingering under the misaprehension that John's childhood and abilities haven't been explored in the comic is disappointing but not altogether unsurprising.

 

00-Gadget & The B-Man. Ill-advised and likely to draw unwanted parallels with the turd that is Van-Helsing, the terrible decision to lumber Constantine with a fixer who hooks him up with James Bond Stylee Occult regalia is compounded by the fact that he gets to deliver some of the worst lines in the script. The comparisons to Q from Bond are obvious, of course, and made moreso by the fact that both John and Chas echo Bond's infamous introductory catch-phrase earlier in the flick.

 

Holy Pointless Shotgun! An object of ridicule from its first mention, now one of frustration too as it serves no real point other than having our hero blast away for a couple of seconds. The scene it's used in would've been straight out of the comic had the bloody gun not been in it at all. It's not pivotal to that scene and....Jesus...it's terrrible! Made even worse by the fact that that scene is really quite good, apart from the shotgun's involvement. Bit like a scene from the original Books Of Magic.

 

Chaz. Tears wrote a great little piece about this. Taking John's oldest and closest friend, one of his very few touchstones to reality, and turning him into Shortround would in itself be hard to beat in terms of sheer fucking stupidity....but the news of recent reshoots involving the character shows that those involved have found away - congrats, lads.

 

A little bit of this - huh - a little bit of that

 

The Ending. Oh so close! As Tears has said on occassion, it's not a big bang flash wow set-piece finale and it does play off material we've seen in the comics but...the conceit behind it strays too far into God-bothering. Rumours suggest that the current reshoots are going to add a cringe-worthy epilogue to the mix.

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Still haven't read the script, and have generally avoided other spoiler material, so I'm not going to talk about this in too much detail. In brief(s), though...

 

Positive

 

Stan fuckin' Winston

 

Rachel Weisz is, as many before me have observed, a fine foxy laydee. And she ends up soaking wet in a white dress. Result! (yes, I am that cheap. But not as cheap as yo'mama, beeyatch).

 

Lung cancer

 

I'm informed that Ellie is quite nicely-written in the film. I like her as a character, so I'm pleased to hear that.

 

It got a bunch of folks into the comic and onto this site, including Tom who I've now met, and he's a top bloke. Especially for a Welshman.

 

Err...running out of ideas now. Maybe there'll be more when I've actually read the script (what, you think I'm actually going to watch this (excuse me, Tom) piece of shit?).

 

Negative

 

Keanu Fucking Reeves. With all due respect to those on this site who like/tolerate the man, he's one of my least favourite actors currently working in Hollywood. The man hasn't played a part remotely convincingly since Bill & Ted, for my money, and however pretty he may look with his big dark doe-eyes and chiselled features, that makes him a piss-poor excuse for a movie star. Goddamnit.

 

Constanteen. I know some would argue that it's nit-picking, but can't they at least pronounce the character's name right? This bothers me more than the Americanisation, actually. That's been done well in the past (High Fidelity?), and had it been done well here, I'd have been OK with it. But no, which leads us on to...

 

...Godbothering JC. Away an' shite, will yez.

 

Bucket o'water. What the fuck?

 

Holy shotgun. Ditto, with big-ass hairy knobs on.

 

Chaz. Okey Dokey, Mistah Constantine...Short Round was a crap idea in Temple of Doom, and he's a crap idea here. The bit of the script I have read bears this out to an alarming degree.

Kid Sidekicks: Just Say Aaarrrghhhnononopleasegodno.

 

Akiva Goldman. The man is like some kind of crazy anti-Midas, inasmuch as everything he touches turns into utter shite. Don't make me bring up Batman & Robin here, people...

 

Beeman/Q. Altogether now...piece of shit, piece of shit, piece of shi-it.

 

I Hate bad CGI. And the CGI here looks pretty lousy.

 

And so on. I've got to head off and do important things now, so I'm logging out. There's more, but it's all in the negative column, at least off the top of my head. Harrumph.

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*Some really good scenes (Keanu vs. Balthazaar, alcohol poisoning, the mirror "deportation").
`

 

Alcohol poisoning? Did I miss something? What happens there? I really need to steal that script :glare:

 

Oh and Mark, you should really see the Gift. I'm sorry but I just HAD to say that. He's really, really good in it! (see attachment!)

 

Anyway I of course voted positive, though the news about the PG 13 fucked up a main part of my positivity.

 

POSITIVE:

% Keanu

% I luv movies that have the devil in it

% I luv movies that deal with the occult

% I just love movies

% The stills look really nice

% The effects look very nice too

% The supporting cast (Chaz excluded)

% I like Rachel Weisz

% The lung cancer

% The story sounds rather interesting

% Flashbacks to Johns childhood

% A romance????!!

 

NEGATIVE

% Chaz

% No moments with John being nice and regular

% No Cheryl and Gemma

% Cats and water

% John wearing the same clothes throughout the whole movie (Does he have 1000 black ties, white shirts and black pants in his closet or something?)

% The rating.... :angry:

post-59-1101391459.jpg

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Positive

 

Keanu - love Ke f***ing Reeves in anything he does -

Francis Lawrence - it´s his first movie but it seems he has good ideas and a bright future -

Stan Winston

Dark tone and moody

Good story

I read John flips the bird for the demon

Tilda Swinton - always great and impressive -

Teaser looks great

Cinematography looks beautiful

It seems something fresh and different - and 2005 will need because this year sucked big time with a bunch of expensive shit flicks -

I already said Keanu Reeves? :p

 

Negative

Shia LaBeouf - who had that idea? Please WB, answer me...-

Rachel Weisz - am I the only one who thinks she is just a average actress? I don´t think she is really all that a negative point, but she is only a plot device for the movie, the chick who will need rescue - as she always is. -

The Holy Shotgun - I´m not keen with antics and weird artefacts - sounds a bit "mummysh" for my taste -

No gore

No f**k, or s**t, or @#!$* words (what a shame)

No Sex (damn!)

No Keanu naked (DOUBLE DAMN!) ;)

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Guest Felix E

(Rachel Weisz - am I the only one who thinks she is just a average actress? I don´t think she is really all that a negative point, but she is only a plot device for the movie, the chick who will need rescue - as she always is. -)

 

Judging by the reviews I have read, Rachel Weisz is the best thing about the film and gives the best performance, with Gavin being a close second.

 

Keanu Reeves on the other hand is the one who's getting trashed like crazy.

:icon_sam:

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Guest Felix E
Welcome to the board, Felix. I take it you're a Keanu fan?

 

Thanks for letting me write on the board.

 

I think Keanu is ok but he’s wrong for this role. The early reviews of this movie kind of said it all and when the co-stars of the film are getting better praise and notices than Keanu Reeves himself (Rachel Weisz and Gavin Rossdale, who's not even the leads in the film) You kind of know that the studio made a huge mistake.

 

Anyway, just wanted to put my two cents in.

 

:icon_shotgun:

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I heart scabo.

 

 

Me too, but I have to disqualify one of his negatives:

 

*They've decided to restrict themselves to a purely Judeo-Christian worldview, which severely limits any future Constantine movies to more of the same.

 

Because I doubt VERY VERY much if he really wants a sequel.

ipso facto decree nisi

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% I luv movies that have the devil in it

 

Disqualified, because I doubt you've seen Bedazzled.

(Either version, but especially the one that even Brendan Fraser could not save.)

 

However, by way of consolation, the script for this film that has been doing the rounds will be available for one of the established Keanu-philes here at S2H to keep. Because we like you all.

 

Probably after a bout of mud-wrestling or something.

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Judging by the reviews I have read, Rachel Weisz is the best thing about the film and gives the best performance, with Gavin being a close second.

 

Keanu Reeves on the other hand is the one who's getting trashed like crazy.

 

 

Ouch! The guest right here was me... sorry. :huh:

 

Well, well, I won´t go for any heavy discussion about Keanu´s acting, like he himself said once, or you dig him or you not.

 

BUT... (insert dramatical pause here), I´ve read all the early reviews until now and there´s a light balance among the ones who liked and were surprised with his performance, and the ones who disliked him. Correct me if I´m wrong, but the only REALLY negative reviews about his acting I saw until now were the ones on moviehole.net, one on the IMDB Board (that I suspect is the same person), and one, yet in that board, a little bit in the middle term.

 

The reviews on AICN were very friendly with him, as the one in SuperheroHype site (wich comes from a real Hellblazer fan), so...I disagree with your opinion and don´t think he is being trashed in any way. For me those reviews on moviehole shows a side that can happen, that some people just won´t GET John Constantine and will say he is a nasty guy, is not likeable and that Angela, the lovely Weisz, is so much more human and this or that. And we have to consider that Keanu is the John Constantine from the movie, not really the John Constantine from the comics. There´s a whole lot of changes and they are not Keanu´s fault. So, he is playing the character that the writters and the director wanted. And we all know that may not be the character or the movie Hellblazer fans dreamed of, what does not mean it will be a bad thing either. My take on that? I want a good movie and only enjoy the ride...

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% I luv movies that have the devil in it

 

Disqualified, because I doubt you've seen Bedazzled.

(Either version, but especially the one that even Brendan Fraser could not save.)

 

Eh? What? The Cook/Moore one was great fun. Though I'll admit that I was a wee nipper when I last watched it.

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Guest Sponge

Pros

 

Rachel Weisz, Djmon Hounsou and Gavin Rossdale. The only actors in the film that seem to have giving good performances in this helping pile of crap.

 

Decent one minute trailer.

 

Cons:

 

Keanu Reeves (what do you think?)

Shia LaBeouf (who is much worse than Reeves himself.)

A studio that is trying to give a snow job to the fans.

A movie that many reviews have pointed out that looks very unfinished.

 

The cons out match the pros two to one here.

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