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A. Heathen

The MILLAR's Tale

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WE WERE AT A GREAT PARTY LAST NIGHT, AND GUESS WHO WAS THERE?

 

Only JK bloody Rowling.

 

It was my friend Muriel's bday and her husband had a big surprise bash, one of those things where everybody hides and then jumps out and screams as the birthday girl comes in. Crouched down beside me was JK (Joanne) and Robbie Coltrane (Hagrid from Harry P) and we all jumped out together. Had met her once before, but this was the first time I had a long chat. She's really nice and very down to Earth; the perfect role model for a successful writer in that she never let the money go to her head. Just a really nice person. Her husband's a lovely guy too and is a local GP in their neighbourhood.

 

Also met Denise Mina, who's doing Hellblazer right now and she was absolutely hilarious. I told her she had to come over and do something at Marvel and she was totally up for it. Didn't realize Ian Rankin was such a fanboy. He was jealous when Denise said she was doing HB, Constantine being his fave character and he's a huge fan of the Moore stuff. Amazing who turns out to be into comics.

 

Totally knackered this morning. I'm going back to bed soon as this typing lark is next to impossible right now.

 

MM

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KLANG!

 

DOUBLE-KLANGG!!

 

TRIPLE-KLANGGG!!!

 

Well-played, Mr. Millar. Well-played, indeed.

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MEGA-KLANNGG since "Muriel" is Muriel Gray.

 

I bet they all exchanged amusing anecdotes about how they have showhorned rape scenes into their work.

 

Except Millar felt left out because he shoehorns the occasional bit of work into his rape scenes.

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That's what happens. You give these comic writers fame and they think they're too good for comics. They just want to hobnob with their celebrity friends, like they were modern-day rock stars.

 

Why do you think Stan Lee could write 12 comics a month? He had no friends, no home, no family. His whole life revolved around his friends like Peter Parker and Bruce Banner.

If Stan Lee had been able to talk to women or wear deodorant, do you think he could've given us the comics we cherished as we lived in our parents' basements?! Hell, no!

Only socially awkward, disaffected individuals can manage the life of the comic book writer. Anyone else would get a job that paid money!

But today, you have Time raving about the cult status of comics, and it's given these writers celebrity status. And what happens? Now, I sit in my parents' basement, crying because I've never been able to talk to girl that's not inflatable, without my comics coming out on time to console me about my worthless, meaningless life!

The comic writers of the past used to understand me. Today? I might as well be reading Norman Mailer!

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I bet they all exchanged amusing anecdotes about how they have shoehorned rape scenes into their work.

 

So that's what happened at the end of the fourth Harry Potter book. I gave up half way through.

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Not Time! Just Lev Grossman!

 

Anyway, where was the tale from?

 

Millarworld.

 

It's a fantasy world where Mark Millar moves in the headiest social circles.

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Not Time! Just Lev Grossman!

 

Anyway, where was the tale from?

 

Millarworld.

 

It's a fantasy world where Mark Millar moves in the headiest social circles.

I occasionally get the impression of late that his fondest social fantasy involves a visit to the White House so that he can hail to the chimp.

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He already does that via The Ultimates.

Yeah, but I don't think he's got to press flesh with the chimp in person, hence all this jingoistic bullshit he's spouting in there (does a fine impression of the ugly American for a Scottish lad, doesn't he?):

"Who's this Millar?"

"Pretend redneck from Scotland, sir."

"Scotland? They terr'ists there?"

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"Who's this Millar?"

"Pretend redneck from Scotland, sir."

"Scotland? They terr'ists there?"

"Only if they're wearing kilts without underwear on a windy day, sir."

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post-192-1157259205_thumb.jpg

 

Who you callin a chimp pardner?

He's got a nerve claiming that there's none of that evolution business going on, doesn't he? Probably got a chip on his shoulder about being called the missing link.

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I bet they all exchanged amusing anecdotes about how they have showhorned rape scenes into their work.

 

Except Millar felt left out because he shoehorns the occasional bit of work into his rape scenes.

 

 

Nicely put Ade. Well said that man.

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Also met Denise Mina, who's doing Hellblazer right now and she was absolutely hilarious. I told her she had to come over and do something at Marvel and she was totally up for it. Didn't realize Ian Rankin was such a fanboy. He was jealous when Denise said she was doing HB, Constantine being his fave character and he's a huge fan of the Moore stuff. Amazing who turns out to be into comics.

 

 

So, this was actually a story about how Mark Millar got Ian Rankin to write Hellblazer all along, only we couldn't connect all the dots.

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