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Mr. Tom Willecome

Should John ban me from the Keanustanteen Forum?

Should John ban me from the Keanustanteen Forum?  

24 members have voted

  1. 1. Should John ban me from the Keanustanteen Forum?

    • Yes, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything.
      1
    • No, I feel your pain.
      14
    • Who gives a fuck, you're just another nerd with a keyboard?
      9


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There is a part of me that's aware that this is just a stupid film and that it really will all go away in a few months but there's also a part of me that wants to scream everytime I think about a future where the name "John Constantine" will be associated with Keanu fucking Reeves.

 

We live in sad times.

 

Agreed.

 

Hellblazer has been, for better or ill, part of my life since the 80s... starting with Swamp. I perceive the world through the same sort of lens John does, I think, sans any real talent to get on like he does. Whether that's a consequence of reading 200+ issues of Hellblazer over the course of 16 years I can't exactly say. It just is.

 

Anyway, I entirely sympathize with your position.

 

Film companies do not realize nor care when they've essentially gutted everything that was good and worthwhile from a body of work... just so they can squeeze out another turd whose surface features alone they hope will bring people into movie theatres ... at a point in the year they usually slump. Nobody besides Hellblazer fans will remember or care about this movie in 5-10 years. We'll be desperately trying to forget about it, and Keanu will be doing a string of rom-coms in an attempt to salvage his career, such that it is.

 

It is a horror film, true enough... horribly written, horribly cast, horribly irresponsible. It's certainly not the first time Hollywood has soiled a good book to make a shitty movie, and it won't be the last. But hey, at least it could be worse; it could be the Fantastic Four.

 

 

... first post (hi) but I've been lurking for ages.

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Welcome to the bitterness, Absinthe!

 

Check out my piece d' resistance in February.

 

Note to Francis Lawrence, Kevin Brodbin, Mark Bomback, Frank Capello, Gilbert Adler, Michael Aguilar, Lorenzo DiBonaventura, Akiva Goldsman, Cherylanne Martin, Josh McLaglen, Benjamin Melniker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Erwin Stoff, Michael E. Uslan, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, everyone in management at Warner Brothers, and Warner Brothers shareholders, their families, friends, and innocent bystanders: DRINK MY BILE, MOTHERFUCKERS

 

OK, I'm done, sorry about that.

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Welcome to the bitterness, Absinthe!

 

Check out my piece d' resistance in February.

 

Note to Francis Lawrence, Kevin Brodbin, Mark Bomback, Frank Capello, Gilbert Adler, Michael Aguilar, Lorenzo DiBonaventura, Akiva Goldsman, Cherylanne Martin, Josh McLaglen, Benjamin Melniker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Erwin Stoff, Michael E. Uslan, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, everyone in management at Warner Brothers, and Warner Brothers shareholders, their families, friends, and innocent bystanders: DRINK MY BILE, MOTHERFUCKERS

 

OK, I'm done, sorry about that.

 

Marry Christmas to you too.

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There is a part of me that's aware that this is just a stupid film and that it really will all go away in a few months but there's also a part of me that wants to scream everytime I think about a future where the name "John Constantine" will be associated with Keanu fucking Reeves.

 

We live in sad times.

 

Agreed.

 

Hellblazer has been, for better or ill, part of my life since the 80s... starting with Swamp. I perceive the world through the same sort of lens John does, I think, sans any real talent to get on like he does. Whether that's a consequence of reading 200+ issues of Hellblazer over the course of 16 years I can't exactly say. It just is.

 

Anyway, I entirely sympathize with your position.

 

Film companies do not realize nor care when they've essentially gutted everything that was good and worthwhile from a body of work... just so they can squeeze out another turd whose surface features alone they hope will bring people into movie theatres ... at a point in the year they usually slump. Nobody besides Hellblazer fans will remember or care about this movie in 5-10 years. We'll be desperately trying to forget about it, and Keanu will be doing a string of rom-coms in an attempt to salvage his career, such that it is.

 

It is a horror film, true enough... horribly written, horribly cast, horribly irresponsible. It's certainly not the first time Hollywood has soiled a good book to make a shitty movie, and it won't be the last. But hey, at least it could be worse; it could be the Fantastic Four.

 

 

... first post (hi) but I've been lurking for ages.

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There is a part of me that's aware that this is just a stupid film and that it really will all go away in a few months but there's also a part of me that wants to scream everytime I think about a future where the name "John Constantine" will be associated with Keanu fucking Reeves.

 

We live in sad times.

 

Agreed.

 

Hellblazer has been, for better or ill, part of my life since the 80s... starting with Swamp.

 

 

Wait until you see the new SWAMP!

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Wait until you see the new SWAMP!

 

Yes, that would another thing Alan Moore would have his name taken off of, I'm sure.

 

And nobody noticed I called out Lorenzo Di Bonaventura twice. :blink:

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To be honest, I doubt they'll use Moore's stories. All that Green and Earth elemental stuff will get in the way when they turn Swamp Thing into a wisecracking Mexican bandit who can travel to the moon when he puts his feet in swamp water.

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As the comic adaptation of Swampy has recently been quite poor,

I suggest everyone checks out Man Thing.

 

It is also clear that running Swamp Thang through the same filter that was used to produce "Constanteen" results in:

 

Gerard Depardieu.

With a comedy sidekick done by the people who did Gollum, called "Sprowt".

He'd have a gun made of a marrow and cucumbers that fires carrots and parsnips.

And he'd live in Hackney Marshes.

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Note to Francis Lawrence, Kevin Brodbin, Mark Bomback, Frank Capello, Gilbert Adler, Michael Aguilar, Lorenzo DiBonaventura, Akiva Goldsman, Cherylanne Martin, Josh McLaglen, Benjamin Melniker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Erwin Stoff, Michael E. Uslan, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, everyone in management at Warner Brothers, and Warner Brothers shareholders, their families, friends, and innocent bystanders:  DRINK MY BILE, MOTHERFUCKERS

 

Oh, I like this one. Can we keep him?

 

Willkomm, bienvenu, welcome. And the rest.

 

And yes, Red, I'm in Norway for Christmas. I'm in Oslo right now, in fact. Here til the 6th January, unless I can find a job while I'm here, in which case I'll be staying.

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It is also clear that running Swamp Thang through the same filter that was used to produce "Constanteen" results in:

 

Gerard Depardieu.

With a comedy sidekick done by the people who did Gollum, called "Sprowt".

He'd have a gun made of a marrow and cucumbers that fires carrots and parsnips.

And he'd live in Hackney Marshes.

 

Actually, that's not implausible if done entirely in animation by Disney/Pixar/etc. There would be cute taglines there, I'm sure, e.g. "Weapon of Mass Vegetation" Further, it would encourage vegetables to children... if only as high-velocity projectiles.

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And yes, Red, I'm in Norway for Christmas. I'm in Oslo right now, in fact. Here til the 6th January, unless I can find a job while I'm here, in which case I'll be staying.

Goody goody. And I heard you had Pinnekjøtt for christmas. That is such an ace meal! Traditionally, that's from the west of Norway, christmastime. Are her folks from there?

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Well, Malin's father's Swedish, so on Christmas day we actually had a Swedish style buffet dinner, with a rather good glazed ham, sildesalat, pork ribs, and so on. We had the pinnekjøtt on Boxing Day, and very good it was too. Her mother's from Sunnmøre, over in the West, yes - I was informed that the 'stick-meat' wasn't actually traditional food for Oslo Norwegians, but I ain't complaining. It was gorgeous. They were all so worried that I wouldn't like it...

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Makes you thirsty as hell though. Which just calls for LOTS OF BEER! Yummy :D

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I was actually on water, and still am. Shame, but I'm horribly ill, see? I've been in bed with a raging fever, nausea, headaches, etc for about 5 days now, and it took magic-strength painkillers to actually get me to the table for the meal in the first place.

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Too bad for you. The combo salted/smoked meat with beer is HARD to beat...

 

Hope you get better!

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