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Garth Ennis Character Create-O-Tron

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Choose a slang term for a part of the anatomy contained in areas A then add it to the correct name for a part of the anatomy in area B, For instance Bollock Chin the man with a bollock on his chin.


You may also use a body part from Areas A with both it's slang and non-slang equivalent for instance Arse Anus the man with an arse for an anus.


Include a brief character bio/origin.






©Garth Ennis 1988.

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Brown Eye Fist



His devastating fist to your brown eye (anus) will destroy you utterly!!



Or help with regularity!

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Alternatively, the Warren Ellis Male Protagonist Create-O-Tron. All you need is a dice. Roll it once for each column, with each number corresponding to a part of the character.


A- First name

1- Absolom

2- Daniel

3- Marcus

4- Taxonomy

5- Benton

6- Mordecai


B- Surname

1- Well

2- Granite

3- Masada

4- Alley

5- Grunt

6- Flense


C- Job

1- Journalist/broadcaster

2- Secret agent

3- Explorer

4- Cop/detective

5- Superhero

6- Mercenary


D- Specialist knowledge

1- Magic

2- History

3- Killing

4- Social sciences (esp. pop psychology)

5- Technology (cybernetics/body modification)

6- Technology (broadcast/communication)


E- Primary character traits (roll twice; re-roll if duplicated)

1- English

2- Complains about being old/frail

3- Emotionally dead

4- Guarded about his past

5- Prone to extreme physical violence

6- Spiky/ouright offensive exterior hides warm heart


F- Primary physical traits (roll twice; re-roll if duplicated)

1- Smokes

2- 40-50 years old

3- Wears trenchcoat

4- Has tattoos/other modifications

5- Wears self-consciously "quirky" clothing

6- Bald/balding


G- Mode of speech

1/2- Self-consciously wordy/unusual patterns of speech, likes to create compound words.

3/4- Staccato sentences, brief statements of fact.

5/6- Something approaching normal human communication.


H- Accompanied by:

1- No-one.

2- Female sidekick (strong, violent, hates him)

3- Female sidekick (of average strength, hates him)

4- Female sidekick (strong, violent, likes/attracted to him)

5- Female sidekick (of average strength, likes/attracted to him)

6- Frustrated boss/authority figure (occasional appearances).


I- Motivation

1- Protection of civilians (reactive or proactive).

2- Betterment of mankind.

3- Exposing injustice.

4- Investigating the unknown.

5- Distracting himself with adventure.

6- Just getting on with his job.


J- Fetishises:

1- Mobile phone.

2- Mobile phone.

3- Mobile phone.

4- Mobile phone.

5- Mobile phone.

6- Gun with Bluetooth attachment.

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Ellis Create-O-Tron:


His name is Daniel Grunt. He's a Journalist with special knowledge of Social sciences. He is emotionally dead and prone to extreme physical violence. Daniel is 40-50 years old and wears wears self-consciously "quirky" clothing and speaks in staccato sentences. He is accompanied by his strong, violent, female sidekick, who hates him. He motivation is to proactively protect civilians while dealing with his fetish for mobile phones.


Now all I need to do is sell this to Avatar Press or somesuch independent publisher

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Not enough tech speak. They'd know you were a poseur.

You need to add in how nanotechnology has affected the world and every character needs to go around talking about the wonders of living the nano life.

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Nippledick. He's a villain who got his dick cut off by other villains. So they (not the villains) surgically attached a nipple to his dick so that he still has something to pee with. It's dumb, I know, but it's all I got.

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Twodick Mcfootson


He's a gunfighter who drinks a lot. Sometimes GAYS try to have sex with him, but they're appalled by his TWO DICKS. But when women get a few Guinness in them, he gets both his wicks dipped.




Daniel Alley:


He's a 40-50 year old English mercenary (in the garb of a Turkish corsair) with knowledge of social studies (linguistic memes). Because he knows the ways ideas spread (including blahblah blah nano neurotransmitters), he's emotionally dead. Sometimes, after an all-night wank session to his mobile phones (he makes a necklace of them), he's so unable to move that his strong and violent female sidekick kicks him a few times until he gets up from his desk. Then he distracts himself with adventure.

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I thought it would be better to bump an old topic than to create a new one, feel free to change if necessary.


I present: The Garth Ennis Story Create-O-Tron.


1. Pick a random Pogues song (Macgowan's solo work is also allowed)

2. Find the lyrics.

3. Take a cool sounding phrase from that. Bonus points if the words "pub", "whiskey", or "blood" are in it. This is your title.

4. Pick a location where a Spaghetti Western took place. OR, pick a small town/pub in Ireland. This is your setting.

5. Take a Garth Ennis hero and a Garth Ennis villain (see the Character Create-O-Tron). Create a simple backstory that makes them enemies.

6. If the setting is a Western, write 4 pages of pre-standoff dialogue, and 18 pages of gunfight. There can be up to three splash pages. If the setting is a town or pub in Ireland, write 2 pages of pre-standoff dialogue, 3 pages of fisticuffs, and 14 pages of drinking sorrows away. At least eight rounds of Guinness must be ordered.

7. Send to Vertigo.



Title: The Donegal Express

Plot: Trickeye O'Connell's been chasing his nemesis, Tits Fintan, across all of the west of Ireland. He finally meets him in Letterkenny, Donegal. Fisticuffs happen. Trickeye decides he's sick of fighting, and buys Fintan a round.

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This thread makes me laugh every time I come across it. Brilliant stuff.

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And I know it's been posted elsewhere on the boards, but it also deserves to be here:



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