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A. Heathen

Hellblazer #283

It grieves me to have to ask you to rate this as some of you are bound to disappoint me  

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3458767-hellblazer-283.jpg

"New storyline: "The Devil's Trenchcoat." When Gemma Masters punishes her uncle by auctioning off his trench coat, she ignites a horrific chain of events. Now Constantine must adjust to life without his smelly old coat, while its new owner's life turns inside out."

 

Story by Peter Milligan

Art by Written By Peter Milligan Art By Giuseppe Camuncoli, Stefano Landini, Cover By Simon Bisley

Cover by Simon Bisley

 

 

 

This witty cover has been marred by one of the shittiest non-One-Offs ever consigned to Hellblazer.

 

Crap story, mostly crap art.

 

AW-fucking-FUL.

 

I am out of this until a new writer comes in.

I bet Justice League of Moping Magicians will be better.

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Yeah, I think I've had enough of this book. This is most likely my last issue, at least until Milligan leaves.

The entire issue is narrated by the trenchcoat....man thinks he's still writing Shade (not a good Shade either). Basically the same plot as "Nasty Infections" (the low point of the Shade series, no less).

And, John apparently talks in Jamie Delano prose when he's asleep.

 

This issue gets a 3 and a long overdue goodbye to John.

Maybe I can get my fix in Justice League:Dark...yippee.

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Wow, that's pretty harsh.. That's how i felt after last issue, so i was picking this one up just for the nice cover really. For some reason i really enjoyed this silly macabre story. It really did feel like a David Cronenberg movie, with some Evil Dead added. A hallucination with a plot and structure. It is by far the weirdest thing Milligan wrote so far, and that's saying something i think.. It is so out there, that i just accepted it for what it is, there is no other way, can't take this shit seriously.. A demonic coat apparently possessed by some evil spirit that makes people go crazy? O-o

 

The structure of the story was much better than recently, the stretched out storytelling pays off in a way, having consequences in the present.. And then more hallucinating. I really liked the art here as well, i think the colorist stepped up or Camuncoli evolved, cause it looks great. John looks pretty sharp in the new jacket heh.

 

Next, The Vengeance of The Coat..?

 

8/10

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Okay, so my only really problem with this story was the fact that it was narrated by the coat. Surely there was some other way of telling this story from the coats POV, than actually having the story told by a sentient coat. Other than that, i liked it. I like the idea of John's coat having absorbed so much muck over the years that it's got a little evil in it. I didn't like that the coat is now a sentient being apparently. I mean, the coat giving some schlub the ability to pick up a hot girl is one thing, I can believe that the coat could cause havoc to the drycleaners. What i don't buy is that it has a mind of it's own.

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Huh. I actually really liked all of that. The sentient coat is utterly ridiculous, of course, but it has the spark of crazy fun that's been lacking from Milligan's Hellblazer stuff for ages now, and the bizarre business in John's flat added to the entertainment. I'm preparing myself for disappointment, but this first issue, at least, was great.

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Okay, so my only really problem with this story was the fact that it was narrated by the coat.

 

The sentient coat is utterly ridiculous, of course

 

A demonic coat apparently possessed by some evil spirit that makes people go crazy? O-o

 

The entire issue is narrated by the trenchcoat..

 

Would have been a cool story had it not been narrated by the coat.

 

Constantine's coat makes people do nasty things including out of character murder.

 

Bluh blah vomit vomit wretch for the reason each of you noted.

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I...uhh...also quite liked that one - as James said, it had that spark of engaging lunacy which has been missing from too many Milligan issues. Art seemed patchier than we've seen from Camuncoli before, but otherwise a surprisingly fun issue.

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I didn't hate it. Didn't really love it either. Would have been a cool story had it not been narrated by the coat. I think my biggest problem is Milligan still doesn't write John very well, or that maybe I don't like him being married, but this one was no better or worse than any of the other blah issues in his run.

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And another thing:

 

Constantine's coat makes people do nasty things including out of character murder.

 

versus

 

Constantine's blood makes people do nasty things including out of character murder.

 

No contest.

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I didn't hate it. Didn't really love it either. Would have been a cool story had it not been narrated by the coat. I think my biggest problem is Milligan still doesn't write John very well, or that maybe I don't like him being married, but this one was no better or worse than any of the other blah issues in his run.

 

Yeah, it's not that this issue is so egregiously upsetting that I must stop reading, but the fact that I've been giving this book pass after pass for months now, while wondering why I'm still reading it, and this was just basically the breaking point for me, where it dawned on me that this isn't going to get better.

Someone mentioned that last issue almost broke them, but that's the point, as last issue was a one-off. Horrible, indeed, but over that month. This is another story-arc, and it's still bad (in my view).

The plot isn't the worst I've ever seen, it's just the way that it's carried out which makes me dislike it.

There's elements of sympathetic magic and the idea that emotions leave impressions, not a horrible idea to use in a Hellblazer story, but there's just so much crap, and it's written in such a poor manner, that by the end, the decent plot idea isn't what sticks out.

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The sentient coat - while not clever or new - isn't a bad idea. Neither are the psychedelic trips they experience a bad idea. It's just that it's all written in a way which somehow leaves me completely cold. I'm not quite sure exactly what it is, but that's how it feels. 4/10

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Good grief. I mean, I know they can only upload so many issues, but you'd think they would have started with Milligan's first issue so that people could actually jump on board.

 

Meanwhile I downloaded #283 for free (I know, I know, but I live in China; where else am I going to find it?) the day after it was released in the US.

 

Someone needs to acquaint DC with the principle of 'better, for free'. As in that's what I get with the internet.

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The sentient coat - while not clever or new - isn't a bad idea. Neither are the psychedelic trips they experience a bad idea. It's just that it's all written in a way which somehow leaves me completely cold. I'm not quite sure exactly what it is, but that's how it feels. 4/10

 

I'm not entirely sure why some people have so many problems with the story. I can't pretend it is the highest point of the comic, but it satisfies the demand of internal logic and picks up on a belief in the sentience of certain apparently inanimate objects, not only that they have life, but some kind of intelligence, within magical cultures.

 

Meanwhile I have been in terested to see various subtle touches in the artwork, such as the way that John's hair has gone from blonde to salt-and-pepper, the transition point seems to have been his insane period, a deliberate shift I'd assume to tie in with his ageing. I like the scenes with Terry and the slight hint that he might have abused his daughter, and Tamsin is shaping up as an interesting baddy.

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I like the scenes with Terry and the slight hint that he might have abused his daughter

 

I thought that seemed quite out of character. Terry's bee painted as the kind of guy who wants his daughter to remain a virginal child forever, unable to understand (or accept) that she's a fully grown woman with sexual impulses. Cheerfully peeling back the curtain on John and Epiphany in the shower seemed to contradict that.

 

I also don't think that it was implying that Terry abused her - though I can see why Terry's general atmosphere of violence and cruelty might encourage that reading.

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Meh. Didn't hate it, but the device seemed contrived, and went nowhere particularly rewarding.

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