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A. Heathen

The Rules of DCU Constantine

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Just reading I Vampire #17 "If Constantine Falls -- -- so does the world!"

and very quickly noticed the smoking cigarette.

 

It occurred to me that these crossovers must have some sort of guide for the multitude of writers and artists, so what will be on that guide?

 

 

The DCU Guide for use of Constantine

1. Must be smoking a cigarette, however unfeasible.

2. White shirt, black tie, brown coat, Sweet Johnny Conjob.

3. Age appropriate swearing.

4. Disrespectful of other characters.

5. Behaves like Batman without fetish gear.

6. Must shoot magical fire from hands at least once per issue.

7. Britishness must be subtle except where unimportant to the story.

 

What else?

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The power to lie

 

Yes. Without magic, John cannot lie. Because... he's a magical liar.

Oh, and can never say anything interesting ever. Or is that a general DCU rule?

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He must make mention that he is not in the story to stalk any underage females that may figure into the story.

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The story must be crap?

Not sure whether that'd be on the guidelines or if it's just something the editor sees to...

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Oh, yeah. That's a given.

 

I think there's a light and dark spectrum that DC uses for their comics now. It seems that, proportionally, the darker Batman gets, the lighter DC:The Dark stories get, as balance.

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I am just reading that Dark Mirror and can see that is what DC have been doing.

Tricking us all to buy something "Dark" when in fact it's a kids book.

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John Constantine will never have sex. He might manage to imply that he's had it in the past, but he will never have it in the timeframe of the comic.

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Maybe he switches over to chewing gum instead somewhere early on in the first issue?

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He's not actually smoking in those preview pages we've seen....

 

He is holding cigarettes in every single DCU comic I have seen.

No reason to expect otherwise as it his sekrit costume.

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He doesn't really smoke in the New 52 Universe you know. It's just his lying power, kids.

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Kids, get your genuine sarky sneer* free with every packet of Silkcuts. Collect a three-pack-a-day habit and we will send you a genuine Majic Overcoat !

 

 

 

 

* Also, lung cancer.

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New rule for this Forum:Every time someone new is introduced in the pages of Constantine, and they DON'T die, we must write, "Why did it have to be Chris?".

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some of the reasons I am not enjoying the children's Hellblazer can be deduced from thus tweet off the writer "Amazing Grace on full volume while I describe my favorite Constantine villain to date for the issue 7 script."

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Who's amazing Grace?

 

some of the reasons I am not enjoying the children's Hellblazer can be deduced from thus tweet off the writer "Amazing Grace on full volume while I describe my favorite Constantine villain to date for the issue 7 script."

Who's amazing Grace?

Does she have a horse?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUl9_5kK9ts

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I don't think he can be an antagonist for John in the "New 52". Maybe Batman...

To better appeal to today's comic demographic, they need to give Norfulthing a costume.

Once they find out what Norfulthing's gimmick is though, you can bet DC is going to want to use him in Batman. We'll get a great cross-over of Batman and Constantine versus Joker and Norfulthing though.

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