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The Gwilym Songbook

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Gwilym    330

In celebration of my own 31st birthday *party sound effect* I present you this: http://www.yesverygood.com/songbook/ A mixture of current and back-catalogue stuff, most of it unfinished, with chord charts and lyrics (except for the songs I want to totally rewrite). Everything on the page has at least some form of recording attached to it, so laypeople can browse too.


The dream is that fellow musicians will be inspired by the variety and general oddness and want to join in in some way, either helping me hone it to something special, offering advice, or at least giving me the drive to overcome the futility I now attach to my usual self-production. Despite improving in leaps and bounds, I still have roughly the same fanbase I've had for about a decade now - I'm proud of keeping them, and of course enormously grateful for their support, but shitting crikey - it's frustrating as all hell. I'm really not that awful. I have glaring weaknesses, but also glaring strengths. There's something here and it needs to be tapped. In a live situation, ideally. It's been confirmed several times that I love the stage. The songbook page should help me put together some kind of set.


And yes, this is a minor act of desperation; one of several wild tendrils I'm flailing in a vain attempt to find some manner of niche in the world. I've been far too long without one. The job market clearly doesn't want me*, and without getting too deep into self-righteous self-pity, it's kind of difficult not to extend that to society as a whole by reading the past twenty years of my life as a manifestation of the assertion from schoolmates' parents that I'm a "bad influence" and must be shunned at all costs. Which may be true. Not really my place to say. What it is my place to say: when given the chance to shine, I do it like a million suns. I leap upon every single opportunity presented to me; any effort less than above-and-beyond bores the shit out of me, and I try to create opportunities of my own. Unfortunately, not a single one of them has ever made the slightest impact on my lived experience, to the point where it's easy to convince myself I might as well have just spent the time wanking. A lot of this is blind luck; the things I'm most interested in and best at are things that are by nature complete arseholes to try and make a living from, especially in New Zealand, but I also go completely insane if I don't do them, so it's not really something I can just excise from my life. Though I did try once. It sucked.


I utterly refuse to give up. Apathy is the worst thing in the world and I won't give into it (did once. sucked). I'm just running out of ideas; I've tried pouring myself into my favourite things, pouring myself into the stuff I'm best at; even pouring myself into the stuff we're 'supposed' to do. In terms of overall effect, it's all one and the same. That is absurd. If trying the same thing over and over expecting different results defines insanity, what is there to make of trying different things and getting the same result? I know that cosmically speaking everything anyone ever does will lead to the exact same result, but that shouldn't preclude at least a wee bit of temporary gratification.




P.S. my writing of this swiftly turned into the Gwilym manifesto, so I'm kind of glad I started with this smaller community (I'm sure that was subconsciously deliberate). If I can re-read it in a few days and not cringe myself to death I may recycle it elsewhere.


*if anyone can help with this part, please do - my skills aren't all artsy-fartsy; I accurately type at 120WPM, for instance, and despite how angry and disappointed I must sound online, I'm pretty much all sweetness and light in real life. With teeth, but they're really not that cutting. I also have a brain the size of a planet, and I'm up for anything. Except, as near as I can tell, my CV somehow parses as 'unemployable' no matter how many times I rewrite it from scratch. Maybe I'm subconsciously hiding awful acrostic messages in them. Or I'm not lying enough. Am I smart enough to get away with blatant lies? I might try it, just to see what happens.

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Lou K    1,097

Yes to...maybe not "blatant lies" but extended half truths? Gotta sell yourself, man.


Anyways, will be checking this out when I am not at work.

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Vagabond    154

I feel you one hundred on this man...the world doesn't value music or art in general really. i guess the blessing of the internet and comps is you can record high quality music and distribute it. it's just a lot harder to make money from it than before the internet.

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