Your Mama
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Posts posted by Your Mama
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Shy people just have a hard time interacting with other people. They actually think about others much more than extroverts. The extrovert is sure of him/herself and doesn't worry about the other person. "I'm cool! Others are going to be cool with me!"
The introvert always overthinks themselves, "Well, I think I'm sort of boring. This person looks interesting, they will probably find me very boring. Maybe I shouldn't bother to talk to them because I'll just prove how boring I am."
What I'm wondering, Mama, is how you got these people to talk to you in the first place if you were so shy!
Currently, I've retreated into myself, because I can't stand to be around other people (due to my anxiety). I've found a way to turn myself invisible. Nobody notices me, or talks to me, or anything!
I agree. I think some people are shy because they're worried about how other people will react to them, so they're actually being (maybe too) considerate of others' feelings. But then I guess this can still be argued as being selfish, since they're only concerned about how others respond or relate to themselves -- don't think it's that simple though.
In reference to your inquiry, I would still talk to other people and get to know them, just carefully / gradually / selectively; I wouldn't be shy around everyone, just mostly everyone. I would relate to people who were shy as well (my closest friend is just as socially unsure as I was when we became close, but she's openly honest and upfront about her awkwardness, which is why we get along so well), and I would also make friends with extroverts who tried getting to know me, ones who always approached me despite my lack of initiative to talk to them.
Hope you're not forcing yourself to be "invisible", unless that's how you really want it...
The trick is to make eye contact with people as you walk by them and have a pleasant look on your face. Smiling at a passerby is cool, because you were nice to someone with little effort, you interacted with them in a way, and dog gone it but smiling is nice. Shy people tend not to smile much and that's offputting to people who base your personality on your facial expression--remember, they fall into that majority category of stupid people. If you can start smiling at people, soon someone will make an effort to talk to you, or you will finally decide it's time to talk to someone else. And if they turn out to be stupid. Pat them on the head as you depart for someone more worthy of your company. Become the elitist you were born to be. Claim your destiny!Actually, I was always accustomed to smiling, even in my shyness. I only had problems talking consistently... But sadly, now that I have this new awareness of how I come across to other people, I've started to believe that I can smile too much, that I can sometimes look like an oblivious, smiling-because-I-don't-know-what's-going-on type girl, so I've been feeling a bit awkward in smiling a lot lately.
Your Mama, do others (non-college people) treat you differently/worse if you are more outgoing toward them? If not, you may simply be around people who just aren't all nice, or who are basically aggressive and/or predatory and who hide it most of the time with a thin layer of niceness. I could see the competitiveness of college, and especially certain colleges, bringing that out in some students, or attracting a disproportionate number of people with those sorts of personalities.The only people whom I talk to outside of college (at least during the school year) are my close friends who attend other universities and my family. And they of course don't treat me any differently, whether I'm being an extrovert or introvert, so I don't know if other not-so-close people outside of my school would look at me in a different way.
I think generally, the people here at my college whom I've met so far are just passive; most only want to know you by name.
I think it very much depends on where you go to college/university, who you meet while you're there, and how you approach the whole thing. I was very lucky, and I'm not ungrateful - but frankly, I'd not be at all surprised if I look back from my deathbed and rate my university years as among the best of my life.I don't even know if the college I attend qualifies as a "university", since it's a rather small, private school. And this is a kind of irrelevant comment, but I think it's a bit pretentious that our college claims to be a close community, since the classes have less people and the teachers give us personal attention, but yet the students here aren't as approachable as you would think. Then again, that notion can apply to anywhere else, too, I guess.
Your Mama, are you still here?Present! Just unable to log on often, since the internet here in my dorm isn't working very well... Enjoying the pace of this thread though :happy:
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You are young, i know, and the pressures to conform, and to be liked are high. When you get a bit older though, you look back and say to yourself " Why did I waste ANY of my time on some of those people".
It’s not so much that I’m worried about others liking me or that I’m trying to conform to anything; it’s just that I dislike certain people being different towards me now, either in a more honest or just more (not nicely) playful way. But I agree with your insight about people, in general, and I’m happy with just having my close friends. But I think I just want to feel relaxed with whomever I talk to, since I've never felt that way... I’ve always been somewhat defensive around people, even in high school and middle school, the supposed years when you’re trying to conform and fit in with everyone; I’ve always been used to being stand-offish, looking occupied so I can avoid “awkward silences” with new people. And now I feel like I’m actually progressing somewhat because I’m allowing other people to just talk to me however they want. But aaawerweraaaaa you’re right again. I’m over-thinking this.
...said the grumpy old misanthrope. :DI sympathise completely, YM. It IS tough trying to figure out how to get socially accepted. And lots of social interactions are pretty shallow and surface-oriented. So your observation that people treat you differently, even though you're the same person often will hold true.
HOWEVER, people who actually get to know you will not be governed by that rule. My personal experience is that the people I feel as my closest friends are the ones where I don't feel I have to ACT, but can just be the way that comes naturally to me. If you know such people, YM, cherish those relationships.
True friendship (and true love) is, at it's core, acceptance of the other for who he/she is. Those that accept you for you are the ones you should invest your time and effort in. Those that only like you when you act a certain way aren't worth the effort, in the long run.
Really, I might be turning into a misanthrope! I'm so weird with questioning other people.
I really like your definition of real friendship (thought Avaunt apparently thought it was a bit idealized - haha). It's just feels bittersweet when you feel like you're allowing the same people, who you used to shut out, to get closer to you, and then they interact with you in a completely different way that doesn't seem better than before. But you're right. Only the rare, more important friendships matter - not the briefly social.
And what's this stamping-costs-on-words nonsense between you and Avaunt? Your opinions are worth more than 12 cents. I mean, I'd pay at least one more nickel for another ;)
There is a difference between personal development and being something you are not. If you less introverted is natural for you and "feels" right, then go with it. See where it takes you. However, if you feel you are not being true to yourself and people are responding to someone who doesn't "exist," then you should think about being you. Certainly there are those who would like you for you, even if you are introverted. Also, there is such a thing of OVER analyzing. Too much and you may miss out.Well, I guess naturally, I'm becoming more conscious of my shyness, which is now making me force myself to not be as reclusive. So basically, I'm confused as to what my natural way of approaching people really is, since I'm so aware of it now. It's almost like, I feel the need to correct myself if I know that I'm putting my defenses up again. But I guess then this "correction" is what's natural for me now...
Geeeeeeeeez, I need to stop! I am OVER analyzing this. But yea, good luck with getting your BA. I hope encountering my over-elaborate, worrisome story hasn't freaked you out and made you want to switch majors :unsure: :wink:
Firstly, though it matters not a jot in the great scheme of things, I will say this: Mama, I have always liked you, you have been funny and sweet and I like you and your posts. Chill on the worry, babe.If I recall rightly, you are at the younger end of the age scale, aren't you? This is a time of anxiety and wobbly self confidence. If you are anything like you are here in real life, I'm sure most people who meet you will find you an absolute doll. And if they don't bugger 'em.
Finally, being polite and respectful is over rated. As long as you aren't mean, being a cheeky sparrow is quite fun.
You're going to make me cry! And I don't think I've ever cried over something posted in a forum before... I'm turning 19 in November, so yea, it's probably too early for me to be worrying about these little things. And I guess my writing here does reflect who I am in real life, but of course in real life, I'm a lot more reserved with when I speak or how I speak, so I usually don't start conversations like this with many people (as if this even needs to be stated with the starting of this thread)... But really, thanks for the encouragement. You certainly have been polite and respectful towards me (now that I think of it, everyone here has), regardless of your belief in them being overrated characteristics, which I reeeeallly appreciate.
All of these posts were responses I definitely needed to read - just makes me realize that I'm not alone in thinking about this and that more importantly, I do a lot of silly worrying when I don't need to. So thanks, all you wise folks, you. If anyone else has anything to add, it's still really appreciated, but I think you all have given me enough attention
P.S. Mama is going to extend all of your curfews to 11:15pm!
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I don't know why I'm posting this in these forums, since I hardly know who looks at these threads (sorry I haven't stuck around to get to know yousz all) and don't know why I'm posting this on the internet - one of the most accessible places for anyone to read anything - when this is very personal, but I guess right now I'm just looking for empathetic advice from anywhere...
I recently decided that I would stop being subtly defensive around people at my college (since I noticed that last year, I seemed to be so shy sometimes that I prohibited myself from building relationships with certain people - not that I wouldn't talk to them or be rude, but I just wouldn't make eye contact with people whom I didn't really know, and I'd also kind of give forced reactions... i.e. "Ooooh, really?" when someone would tell me their major, which isn't intentionally fake but just an instinctual way for strangers, in general, to project extra enthusiasm and show each other that they're interested in talking). And now that I've made the effort to really look at people when I talk to them and speak to them more calmly, more leisurely, I'm upset that people are treating me differently; the same people who hardly talked to me last year are joking with me more harshly, probably because they feel more comfortable doing so now that I've let my guard down, and acknowledging me more when I don't talk. And I guess I should be happier, but I'm actually a bit bothered by it. Maybe it's because I don't feel like they should be treating me differently - whether I'm being more extroverted than usual or whether I'm being defensive. Or maybe it's because I don't like the idea that since people feel more relaxed with me, a lot of them are being kind of rude and smartassy, not like before when they just considered me the "shy gal". Or maybe it's because I think that some people are only talking more with me now because they want me to sit there and listen, since I appear more attentive - not really to exchange with them, but just give them attention...
So I don't know if anyone else has ever felt this way, or if I'm just being overly sensitive to the new ways that people are talking to me, but I really dislike the idea that people are treating me different from when I was more introverted - some people who I thought were really polite and respectful before.
Well, am I crazy?! Alright, yes, but why... And should I put my defenses up again, like before? Is there anything really wrong with that? Or in doing that, am I only forcing others to be dishonest with me, since they're tip-toeing around my shyness, trying to find a way to get to me? And in doing this, am I also then disillusioning / avoiding the fact that some of the people whom I encounter are really just aaaaaaaholes?
Oh, and I just realized why I'm posting this introspective post here. Because it's the only forum I've visited so far (which is only out of a few others) that has adults in it, which I'm not stating in a disrespectful way. It's just the only forum I know of that actually encourages intellectual discussions. And furthermore, if I told my friends this, they'd probably just dismiss it with a girls' movie night or something diversionary like that.
P.S. Don't think of your mother differently now that she has posted something so vulnerably open. She is a strong, "be back around 11pm" type of queen with 2,744.6 kids. And she wiped your [type of genitalia here] when you were little. Remember that.
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That people think its cool or hard or gangsta to have four inches of underwear showing above a ridiculously baggy pair of trousers.
I don't know if you'd be interested in knowing how that trend started, but supposedly, it originated with prisoners (no joke). Because they only have a one-size-fits-all standard in some prison attire - large - some inmates were forced to wear sagging pants. They then wore them that way when they got out, and it supposedly showed that they had done some time. Subsequently, the fascination with "gangsta" lifestyles and hip-hop culture somehow meshed it with the "in" wear to indicate so-called tough guys.
Or maybe some people just think it's cool because it shows a kind of carelessness. "I don't care about how I come across to you; here's my undies to prove it". Doesn't really make sense to me either, but you have to admit, it's still finger-licking HOT!
Kidding. Really.
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^AND forgot to log in. Point proven.
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Sorry, but I just had to ask one of the most common-knowledge questions (I think). What is the highest score you can get on an IQ test? Nobody I know can give me a straight answer...
:icon_redface:
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^Oopsie. Sorry, ya'll. That was me
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Yup. Either that or your very long thumb...
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Oh, whatever. You know that's your index finger.
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But, for example, in Canadian cities you have women selling flowers on the street who will be really nice to you, even when you're not buying anything from them! I used to know this sweet, little, old lady on Yonge Street who I passed everyday on my way to work who sold roses to tourists. The first time I met her, she said, "Buy a rose for your girlfriend?" I told her I didn't have a girlfriend. She said, "Ah, someone as handsome as you? You won't have to look too hard to find one! Come back and buy her a rose when you find one!" Well, everyday when I'd pass her, she'd ask me, "Found a girl, yet? If I were 40 years younger, I'd be your girl!" She was so sweet.
There's also a tradition in Canada that you can go into a coffee house by yourself and buy a cuppa for yourself and an extra one if you want company. Just sit down at a table, put the extra cuppa across the table from you and wait for another lonely person to come into the place that wants company. They'll see the extra cuppa and ask if there's anyone sittting there. It's not a dating kind of thing or anything like that! Just a way to have some company for a bit if you don't want to sit alone.
Clearly the lady was making a pass at you.
Hah. Just kidding.
:unsure:
Oh, the "cuppa" (word for "cup of coffee"?) tradition sounds lovely! If someone were to do that here, it would be a sign of wishful thinking... and maybe susceptiblity to theft. Have you ever tried it before? What if an American or someone who was clearly not Canadian were to try it?
I was in Victoria, Canada for about three days, but we covered a lot of ground during that time... mate. Teehee. I took the Victoria City tour, the Grayhound bus tour (different name but can't think of it at the moment), visited the Parliament, stayed at the Empress, and visited some of the shops around the area. I wanted to go to the nightclubs that the tour guide mentioned, but we didn't have enough time.Which clubs did they recommend?
I couldn't remember the names of the clubs. We just drove by them during the tour. But the tour guide did say that on Friday and Saturday nights, the streets become very crowded because of the high popularity of clubbing. Heh. More argumentative evidence for Sickboy.
Oh, and sickboy, seals are only found in specific (remote) areas of the country.Curses! I should have posted the pics that I had of some seals we saw on the tour. Maybe I'll show them tomorrow, since I'm sure everyone would be anxious to see them.
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I saw three movies about interracial relationships today. Completely coincidental... Could it be a sign? (of what I don't know)
1. Guess Who
New movie (go see it!) based off of the 1960's classic "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". Although I enjoyed it and though it had a lot of funny scenarios, I thought it was bringing too light of a tone to sensitive racial issues.
Then on TBS:
2. Crazy/Beautiful
3. Save the Last Dance
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Did you get to any Museums, mate?. What towns did you visit?.
I was in Victoria, Canada for about three days, but we covered a lot of ground during that time... mate. Teehee. I took the Victoria City tour, the Grayhound bus tour (different name but can't think of it at the moment), visited the Parliament, stayed at the Empress, and visited some of the shops around the area. I wanted to go to the nightclubs that the tour guide mentioned, but we didn't have enough time.
there are many places in Canada where locking the door is unheard of at night. There's no reason to.Yea, I heard about that. Sounds insane and fantastic at the same time.
I wouldn't say Canadians aren't caught up in consumerism or TV, as that's really not true.Double (triple?) negative. Love it.
Also, are Canadians generally comfortable talking to strangers? It seemed like both the locals and employees were very friendly (in a personal way, not a I'm-being-nice-because-I-want-something-from-you-or-I'm-hitting-on-you type of way), which would be opposite of the way that Americans generally establish a passive relationship with strangers or between employees and customers.
Oh, and I forgot to mention that there were quite a lot of cute guys there. Quite.
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Instead of going to some popular vacation spot for Spring Break, I went to Canada for the first time, and to be perfectly honest, I want to move there or at least visit again.
I don't know if it was just psychological, but from what I observed, it looked like their family structures were stronger because their society centered around conversation much more. When I went to restaurants, it seemed like there was so much enthusiastic interaction between family and friends. And it wasn't the pretentious kind of interaction where everyone just wants to be heard. It looked like everyone was really listening to each other.
Then when I came back to the US, it was weird to see how some parents wouldn't talk to their kids at restaurants and just leave them by themselves...
It also seemed like they're not as centered around T.V. or keeping up with excessive consumerism. There were also a lot of environmental attractions there, which I couldn't imagine being popular in the U.S.
So again, I know I can't make a lot of generalizations about Canadians or Americans because they don't apply to everyone, but it just makes me think about how Canada has a much lower violence rate than the U.S.
Anyone else get what I'm talking about?
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Yay. An excuse for me to hang around these boards for a little longer :wink:
You need an excuse? Aren't we GOOD ENOUGH for you? :icon_cry:
Actually, the real reason I'm here is to stalk a couple of you guys, but this excuse makes me sound less scary.
Oh, I mean... Just... kidding.
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Yay. An excuse for me to hang around these boards for a little longer :wink:
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I actually saw this film today, even though before I said I wouldn't. I thought it was incredibly visual (obviously); aside from all the CGI, it looked like it was shot by a photographer. But a lot of the concepts in the movie threw me off a bit...
And I know Shia was annoying to everyone else, but I thought he was great, of course.
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Oh, damn. Now I have to see it.
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Yup, I saw most of it (the clips in between the show and commercials). Funny shtuff.
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Wow, what an awfully sweet (and unexpected) thing to say. Thanks, Josh
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Yup... They showed the exorcism scene, which scared the feces out of me, and also the scene that incorporates the whole "I don't believe in the devil" - "You should. He believes in you" exchange.
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Wow, I should have known that posting Shia's honest opinion on the film would have put him in an even deeper hole than he already is with the fans of the comic book. Shame on me for being so naive to the idea.
You're...you're joking right? That's pretty funny if you are.
Uh, sure. If it will make you think I'm funny, then of course :unsure:
No, but I seriously didn't think anyone would pounce on him for this interview, probably because I didn't find anything wrong with what he said. But then again, I, too, have not read the comics myself, so I wouldn't know if his statements were valid or not.
Perhaps you should have posted an abridged version, with just the positive points in the interview... it'd have been just a paragraph, but we'd have loved reading it! :wink:Eh, now I'm thinking that no matter which parts of the interview I would have posted, people would have been annoyed either way.
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Wow, I should have known that posting Shia's honest opinion on the film would have put him in an even deeper hole than he already is with the fans of the comic book. Shame on me for being so naive to the idea.
Mama, I love your avatar. One of the coolest Natalie Portman pics I think!!Thanks 8-)
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Hmm, really. That's news to me.
Thanks, Pooka, whether or not you are referring to me ;)
I was, my dear. Very fond of you, I am. And even though I'm not a fan of Ms Porman, that new avatar is fabulous.
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Almost like a diary entry
in Bring the Noise
Posted
Meghaa! Bumping thread from 2nd page.
Good question, never thought of categorizing my shyness before. I think I grew up being shy for different reasons. When I was younger - elementary school days - I think it was about not knowing what to say around new people and finding a lot of conversations with girls, in particular, about things that I didn't get that excited about - gossip and such. So sometimes I withdrew from socializing because I knew some people would think it was odd that I didn't like talking about the same things. But I think now, it's more of a defense thing, like your case where you don't trust many people until you get to know them. But I also like being alone sometimes; I've told some people that I need a balance of being by myself and being with people. And I can tend to internalize my thoughts on things, so I can appear quiet or even lifeless around people, when I'm just thinking... Don't know if that's considered being "shy" since I'm kind of just pondering but still not talking / externalizing myself nonetheless. So it's for all kinds of ridiculous reasons.
Yea, totally. I'm going to sound even more childish / out of place in age when I state this, but I write in a journal (sounds more sophisticated than "diary") nearly every night. And most of the time, when I write out my weird introspective thoughts down, I usually find a way to slowly dismiss them by telling myself that I make things too complicated or that I'm wearing myself out. Or I just tell my mom about my problems (might as well give me a bib or something), but she usually doesn't give me advice, just listens and sympathizes. So my journal entries are where I really figure things out.