absinthe

Now would be a good time to get him interested in Hellblazer. :)

:excl: maybe what he needs is some demon blood.

I was starting to warm up the guy again, after the embarrassment of "Orbiter"

Agreed, and I feel sorry for Colleen Doran...

The problem with Hollywood is the careerism. Ideas such as the ones in Hellblazer are currency only in their ability to turn around a predictable amount of revenue in the box office. Nobody got into Constantine because they wanted to bring something they loved dearly into a new medium, as faithfully as possible. Point of fact, few of those people had read the comic or were even barely familiar with it.

Compare this with, say, Lord of the Rings, which was clearly a product of CARE for almost everyone involved. Very few people were unfamiliar with the source material and better yet, were strongly opinionated that it had to be done right.

And for the most part, it was.

Constantine is not a product of love, it's just that they didn't have any better film concepts going on at the time for a February release.

Thanks folks. He's stabilizing. I'm just trying to keep myself distracted, there's not much I can do about it anyway. Surgery is on Monday.

Anyway, what a buzzkill, right?

"Who invited that guy to our party? He's bumming me out!"

Along with Sting, amusingly. He'd make a shit JC, too, despite the (inevitable) similarity of appearance. Besides, he looks nowt like Conjob these days - too buff, for one thing. All that exercise and tantric gubbins - it ain't healthy...

I suppose this means Samuel L. Jackson would make a bad Constantine too. :glare:

"Now I want you to reach into that bag, and give me my crucifix shotgun back. It's the one that says 'Bad Muthafucka' on it."

I started reading monthly a couple years ago at the behest of our friend absinthe, when he pointed out that it would be a good idea to supplement my general indulgence in All Good Comics with one of the major titles deserving of the classification.

Yeah, but, if you start chain-smoking, don't blame that on me.

Opportunistic Bill Hicks quote:

Bill: "How much do you smoke?"

Man In Audience: "Pack and a half a day."

Bill: "You little puss! I go through two lighters a day!"

and uh... non-smokers die every day.

Case in point, my father is, as of 1:30 this morning, in the ICU with congestive heart failure. I am not having a good day.

It is also clear that running Swamp Thang through the same filter that was used to produce "Constanteen" results in:

 

Gerard Depardieu.

With a comedy sidekick done by the people who did Gollum, called "Sprowt".

He'd have a gun made of a marrow and cucumbers that fires carrots and parsnips.

And he'd live in Hackney Marshes.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, that's not implausible if done entirely in animation by Disney/Pixar/etc. There would be cute taglines there, I'm sure, e.g. "Weapon of Mass Vegetation" Further, it would encourage vegetables to children... if only as high-velocity projectiles.

Welcome, our green-spirited amigo...

Thank you. Frankly, this name isn't particularly relevant anymore since it's been ages since I had the stuff, almost a year; however, I can't really be bothered to come up with a new name. "skim vanilla latte" just doesn't... have the same impact....

Wait until you see the new SWAMP!

Yes, that would another thing Alan Moore would have his name taken off of, I'm sure.

And nobody noticed I called out Lorenzo Di Bonaventura twice.

If that makes you horny you won't want to see Pooka in real life then - huge, fat, ugly, hairy truck driver he is.

right. there you go, ruin my fantasy.

Thank you for the warm welcome.

And pooka, your avatar makes me horny.

Hello. I'll spare you the disturbing details about my life because they would... disturb you. I am a long-time reader and devotee of Hellblazer, having read it since #1 when I was probably not what you would characterize as a "mature reader" (and some would argue is still true.)

I have lurked on these forums for a while, saying nothing at all, until the perfect moment struck ... where I was driven to ejaculate about that farce in February. It seemed timely and appropriate on account of it being Xmas Eve to do this... since like John, I have a Christ Complex and ... ok, I'm not sure what the exact correlation is there. I had it for a second, it vaguely seemed like a good line of bullshit, then I lost it.

Anyway, I'm glad to be here amongst what undoubtedly are smart, beautiful and entertaining people. Well, 2 out of 3 is a start.

I don't expect to post much, but when I do, I will scare all the fine chicks off the dance floor.

Peace.

Welcome to the bitterness, Absinthe!

Check out my piece d' resistance in February.

Note to Francis Lawrence, Kevin Brodbin, Mark Bomback, Frank Capello, Gilbert Adler, Michael Aguilar, Lorenzo DiBonaventura, Akiva Goldsman, Cherylanne Martin, Josh McLaglen, Benjamin Melniker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Erwin Stoff, Michael E. Uslan, Lorenzo di Bonaventura, everyone in management at Warner Brothers, and Warner Brothers shareholders, their families, friends, and innocent bystanders: DRINK MY BILE, MOTHERFUCKERS

OK, I'm done, sorry about that.

There is a part of me that's aware that this is just a stupid film and that it really will all go away in a few months but there's also a part of me that wants to scream everytime I think about a future where the name "John Constantine" will be associated with Keanu fucking Reeves.

 

We live in sad times.

Agreed.

Hellblazer has been, for better or ill, part of my life since the 80s... starting with Swamp. I perceive the world through the same sort of lens John does, I think, sans any real talent to get on like he does. Whether that's a consequence of reading 200+ issues of Hellblazer over the course of 16 years I can't exactly say. It just is.

Anyway, I entirely sympathize with your position.

Film companies do not realize nor care when they've essentially gutted everything that was good and worthwhile from a body of work... just so they can squeeze out another turd whose surface features alone they hope will bring people into movie theatres ... at a point in the year they usually slump. Nobody besides Hellblazer fans will remember or care about this movie in 5-10 years. We'll be desperately trying to forget about it, and Keanu will be doing a string of rom-coms in an attempt to salvage his career, such that it is.

It is a horror film, true enough... horribly written, horribly cast, horribly irresponsible. It's certainly not the first time Hollywood has soiled a good book to make a shitty movie, and it won't be the last. But hey, at least it could be worse; it could be the Fantastic Four.

... first post (hi) but I've been lurking for ages.