John Waterman

I still have to go for Nigel Engles from Ennis' run for the fool. The idea of the goofy little ponce in the pose from the Rider-Waite deck just entertains the hell out of me.

Anyone planning to see (or have seen an advance copy) of "The Devil's Rejects?"

I haven't seen "House of 1,000 Corpses," mostly because quite a few fellow horror buffs I know whose opinion I trust when it comes to movies, said it was nonsenisical, and generally unplesant to watch, in a sadistic, violence-for-the-sake-violence sort of way.

Rob Zombie's new film, though, seems pretty damn cool from the trailers. Looks very grainy and stark. One advance reviewer said it felt like a combination of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and "The Wild Bunch."

I have to admit, I'm kinda intrigued.

Wow. I was up in NYC for the 4th of July, and one night me and a good friend (also a big fan of Hellblazer) had an in-depth discussion on a Hellblazer Tarot after far too much to drink. For the most part, we either picked or considered just about every character discussed as a face card here. It's good to see their were others thinking along the same lines, but I'd like to offer one suggestion: Nigel Engles (Garth's socialist prat) as The Fool.

I also really like the idea of changes to the lesser arcana--wands as cigarettes, pints of Guinness for cups.

Also, when considering illustrations for few other cards, some specific images came to mind, like the shot of Constantine lying dead drunk, face-up on the tomb in the rain from "Dear John," for The Hanged Man and the Fabry (I think) pin-up of John and Kit in the graveyard, from the "Tainted Love" TPB for The Lovers, just to name a couple.

With that said, I find all of the Azz-scripted issues highly readable. I hate his general attitude towads John. I hate how he presents him as too hardcore to be likeable. I hate how his maliciousness is never really justified.

Yet I keep reading.

I hated Azzarello's 30 issues the first time I read them. But on a reread, I found myself (despite myself) catching clues to what he was planning, most notably in "Good Intentions" and "Hard Time." I still dislike these stories, especially "Good Intentions," but I enjoyed the structure Azzarello put to "Good Intentions" this second time around.

"Freezes Over" and "Lapdogs and Englishmen" were good fun. Wish Azz had stayed with stories like these instead of going down the path of "Ashes and Dust."

Anyways. Azzarello, at his worst, manages to write a compelling story, lousy as the conclusion may be. I find myself breezing through his issues much easier than Jenkins in a heartbeat.

Dude's slick more than anything. I get the feeling he was writing "John Constantine vistist the realm of 100 Bullets." It doesn't always work, and, in the case of "Good Intentions," is outright fucking disgusting, but it makes for a compelling narrative, suck ass as the conclusion is.

I missed episode 9 when it originally aired and finally downloaded it the other day. It turned out to be for the best, because I got to watch 9 and 10 pretty much back-to-back.

The highlights of the extra-length episode were the scenes between the Captian and Mitchell in the interrogation room. Very well acted, very tense. Both of them came across as pretty despicable, and I liked it.

The part where Shane was baiting Mitchell into attacking him was also well done. Oh, that wacky Shane and his unapolagetically racist remarks. I see racial sensitivity sessions at Folsom prison for him in the near future.

I was also thinking that Lem was going to get busted--the camera seemed to linger on that package of dope he stashed in his glovebox as collateral on the El Salvadorian guy. Maybe it will come up again later.

This year's serial killer strikes me as boring too. Definetly doesn't hold a candle to last years', although I'm pretty sure David Mamet wrote that teleplay, which makes him kinda hard to beat.

I saw the season finale of Deadwood last night. Many plotlines were resolved, and there was a refreshing return to the good 'ol murdering days of the first season. The entire second season was good, and I'd encourage anyone who hasn't seen it yet to give it a download, or catch the reruns on HBO.

I think Deadwood's first year was slightly better than it's second. Too many episodes this year focused way too much on Swearengen's crooked political machinations that would have been tough enough to follow if they HADN'T been laid out in olde english soliloquys delivered to a head-in-a-box. I liked, for the most part, the Shakespearean diction mixed in with extreme profanity, but some points were just too over the top.

Still, I can't believe I have to wait 'till next Spring to see this show again.

Yeah, I liked the scene when he did for the Mongolian too.

"I'm twisting his leg off like a drumstick when I realize I'm frightening the kid."

Frank Castle, ladies and gentlemen. Parent of the year.

The Padme/Anakin relationship was even more hackneyed and awkward than in "Attack of the Clones." I didn't think it would be possible.

Aside from that, everything else was very well done, or at least tolerable. With the exception of Hayden Christiansen, the acting and dialouge were a step above last time around. The tranisition to "A New Hope" also seemed solid.

All of the action scenes were fantastic. And, Jesus, there were so many of them too! The lightsaber duels and the battles were hands down the best of the series, which is why I watch "Star Wars" in the first place.

R2-D2 was amusing. C-3P0 was mercifully absent for most of the film.

In other news, Jar-Jar who?

All in all, I liked it as much as "Return of the Jedi," but not as much as "Star Wars" and "Empire."

I visited my comic shop for the first time in about a month and a half yesterday, and came away with 4 new Punishers: the first three issues of "Up is down and black is white," and the terrific one-shot "The Cell."

So far, the new storyline looks good. I liked how there was an entire issue dedicated to Nicky Cavella. It's good to see Frank finally have a decent, and equally twisted nemesis. I do hope he stays dead when Frank gets to him, though, and doesn't come back a few issues later sporting a pair of tits.

Also, I've read Hitman in its entirety, and after the newest Punisher issue, I'm pretty sure that O'Brien is meant to be McAllister, the NSA agent who wanted to run away with Tommy towards the end of Hitman--the tech guy even asks her if she wants to go back to that name. I know Hitman was DC universe, but still.

"The Cell" was definetly the best of the new issues. I've been getting tired of these constant six-issue storylines, so it was nice to get a complete, compact short story for once. I haven't read many of the old-school punisher issues so I'm not sure if we ever saw Frank actually kill those responsible for the death of his family, so I don't know if this version of his revenge is retconned or not. I really don't care because "The Cell" was just about perfectly paced, and the big reveal came as a total surprise.

That's fantastic. I remember hearing about Beneath a Steel Sky when I was a young 'un, and recently saw ads for it while reading one of my Hellblazer back issues. I'll definetly check it out in the next few days. Thanks!

Just finished "God of War." Very nice, very dark take on Greek Mythology. It plays a lot like Ninja Gaiden and Soul Reaver at their best. The Temple of Pandora level is one of the best dungeons I've ever played. It's probably over a third of the actual gameplay, and the design on that area is truly magnificent.

The game also has some very good extras, like documentaries and behind the scenes featurettes that become unlocked once you beat the game. They're better than most DVDs, really.

I'm getting Doom 3 from Gamefly in a day or so, and I'm also looking forward to Area 51, though I hear Duchovny's voice acting is absolutely atrocious.

By the way, what's this SCUMM VR emulator I'm hearing about. Is it possible to download roms of classic games these days? Because that would be awesome.

Any exchange from Deadwood. Here are a few I really liked:

Al: Pain, or damage, don't end the world. Or despair. Or fuckin' beatin's. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you've got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, and give some back.

Wolcott: A man may find himself past many things in life...past love, warmth, kindness, consideration, justice...but to be past surprise...that would make life an endless tedium.

Al(drunk, observing Bullock departing from a tryst with his girlfriend): Self-deceiving cocksucker, I am. I thought when America took us in, Bullock would prove a fucking resource. Look at him, stridin' out like some randy, maniac bishop. (yelling to Bullock). Sheriff! About his duties to the camp! Lucky trouble didn't jump out earlier, huh, Bullock? Might've found you mid-thrust at other business!

(Bullock stares daggers)

Al(drunk): What? Taken by a vision? You would not want to be staring at me that way.

Bullock(dripping menace): Be where I can find you.

Al(bloody, beaten and adressing a stagecoach of new arrivals): Welcome to fucking Deadwood! It can be combative.

Can anyone reccomend a few good torrent sites for TV Shows? I've been using www.isohunt.com, but it seems to be down...and I need my weekly cocksucking "Deadwood" fix. Any assistance would be much appreciated.

I see Vic telling Shane about hte rabbits sometime near the end of this season .

HAH! Good one.

Oh, that wacky Shane. He's getting to be a real handful, isn't he?

Last night's episode was my favorite one of the season so far. Didn't see the last twist coming at all. The only weak point was Claudette and Dutch's murder case. Very predictable, although the scene with Dutch and Claudette in the interrogation room at the end was awesome.

Nice symmetry with the first and last scenes as well--both had a major character getting fucked, first literally, then figuratively.

Oh, and 'hungry like a wolf.'

Heh. Heh. Heh.

I'm not sure I really like the way they're writing Dutch this year. Sure, he's an awkward guy personally, but when it comes to job, he was (most of the time, anyway) dead on.

I hope they do more than play him for laughs, like they've been doing in the first three episodes (Dutch insults an arab! Dutch gets thrown out of the restroom! Dutch protests that he finds Beyonce hot after all!).

He's always been a part of the comic relief, but it was balanced with the fact that he was a gifted and, as of the end of season 3, kind of scary, detective.

I'm still holding out for the 'Dutch bones Mackey's ex-wife' subplot.

Oh, man. I'd say "that really sucks," if I stooped to wordplay.

Laser surgery? Poor bastard.

Ok. I've got one. It's a few weeks old, but it's a good one.

Man Loses Fingers in Quest for Girlfriend

WINNIPEG, Manitoba (Reuters) - A Los Angeles man who sneaked into Canada in February to see his Internet girlfriend will be deported -- minus all his fingers and some of his toes, the Winnipeg Sun newspaper reported Tuesday.

Charles Gonsoulin, 41, will have the fingers and toes amputated because of severe frostbite suffered during a 100-hour trek from Pembina, North Dakota, across the border to Emerson, Manitoba, where he was found wandering on a golf course on Feb. 23, suffering from hypothermia.

"It is better to have loved and to have lost than never to have loved at all," the Sun quoted Gonsoulin as saying. "It was all worth it for me. It's the difference between sitting around dreaming about things and going out and getting them."

Gonsoulin and the Canadian woman met in an Internet chat room in 2002. The woman lives in Quebec, Gonsoulin's lawyer, Mike Cook, told a court hearing. Quebec is about 2,500 kilometers (1,600 miles) east of Manitoba.

Gonsoulin could not enter Canada legally because he was convicted of robbing a Pizza Hut in Arkansas in 1984, the newspaper said.

His girlfriend could not afford to travel to Los Angeles, he told the Sun. So he took a bus to North Dakota where he crossed the border.

"Mr. Gonsoulin didn't really know that there was any place on Earth that could be so cold and so inhospitable," Cook told a court hearing Monday, adding his client had never felt temperatures colder than 10 degrees Celsius (50 F).

Temperatures dipped below -26 C (-15 F) during his long hike.

Gonsoulin is receiving medical treatment in a Winnipeg jail. He still has not met his girlfriend face-to-face but they have spoken on the phone and Gonsoulin said they are still in love.

No deportation date has yet been set.

David Hayter wrote the script? My man Solid Snake? Nice.

I haven't read any Lehane besides "Mystic River," which I thought was excellent. I also agree that the film adaptation was near-perfect. I did think that Jimmy, as played by Sean Penn came across as more volatile and less calculating than he was written. Not a bad change, but I did notice it.

I've heard Lehane's detective series is pretty good, and I also plan on checking out "A Drink Before the War" (great title). As for his writing style...I didn't notice anything about it one way or the other. It didn't get in the way of the story, so I guess that's a mark in its favor. It's been several months since I read it though. If Mystic River is indicitave of his other novels, the I think I'll enjoy Lehane quite a bit.

Regarding Vachss---

Look, the guy has obviously led a very interesting life, and seems to have done a lot of good for victimized children. If he ever writes an autobiogoraphy, or some stories about his experiences in Biafra, or his work in the juvenille system, I'd be very interested to read it. However.....

(Vachss bashing, minor spoilers)

His Burke novels are so far over the top that it's impossible to take seriously, even on a purely escapist level. Vachss tries so, so hard to make Burke seem like the hardest of the hard that it comes off as laughable. Burke's narration also feels overly noir, almost to the point of parody (see also: "Max Payne" "Max Payne 2"). Burke also has a sort of "Scooby Gang" of sidekicks who include, but are not limited to, a mute asian Kung-Fu master and a reclusive Israeli computer genius who lives under a junkyard. The villans are always variations on disgustingly awful child molesters, and after awhile it just gets tiresome.

Hell, even the flyleafs for his books contain lines like "Burke's religion is revenge...and he is always eager to begin worship." BWA HA HA! Lines like that belong in a "McBain" movie on "The Simpsons"

(end spoilers)

I've read three of his Burke books--they do go by pretty fast, I'll give him that--and wasn't impressed. A lot of people seem to like him a lot though, so you may want to see for yourself.

Charlie,

Cormac McCarthy is great. His writing style is extremely dense and surreal, and takes a bit of time to get into, but it's well worth the effort. Many people compare him (not entirely unfairly) to Faulkner, but I've enjoyed McCarthy much more.

No one, and I mean no one, writes low-lifes and rednecks like Cormac McCarthy. He has the uncanny ability to make even the most pathetic and/or depraved characters seem sympathetic, and to an extent, even likeable.

The first four "The Orchard Keeper," "Outer Dark," "Child of God" and "Suttree" take place in rural Tennessee in the earlier half of the 20th Century. The first two are above-average William Faulkner knockoffs, but he comes into his own with "Child of God," a delightful story that an old college professor of mine described as "the most hauntingly beautiful book about mass murder and necrophelia ever written."

"Suttree" is the best of these. It's about a middle aged guy who drinks a lot and lives on a riverboat in Knoxville, and the wacky characters and antics he finds himself embroiled in. No summary can do it justice, but it's an excellent read.

The next few books take place out west. "Blood Meridian" is, in my opinion, McCarthy's best work, period. It's an ultra-violent anti-western about a gang of murderers who scalp, kill, rape and rob their way across Texas and Mexico. The book also contains one of the scariest villains ever in the form of a total arch-bastard they only call The Judge. The Saint of Killer's miniseries in "Preacher" borrows a lot of elements from this book, so if that held your interest, I'd definetly reccomend "Blood Meridian."

His next few books take place in border towns along the Texas/Mexico border. These novels are more traditional, and actually contain likeable protagonists. The first and third, "All the Pretty Horses" and "Cities of the Plain" are both great stories. The second book, "The Crossing" is the most dense, overly-complex thing I've ever tackled reading, but I guess I still reccomend it with reservations.

Since this is a mystery novel thread, I'd better mention that he has his first crime novel coming out in, I think, October. It's called "No Country for Old Men," and it takes place in present day Texas/Mexico. From what I've heard about it so far, it sounds excellent.

And, I've read the first three of the LA Quarter novels by Ellroy and just can't bring myself to read the fourth (White Jazz). He's just getting pretty loopy for me, and as much as I like him I weary of him. Anybody read it? Does Jazz just get out of hand?

Just wanted to chime in on the Ellroy topic. "White Jazz" is easily the weakest of the LA Quartet books, but I really enjoyed it once I got past the hyped-up, stripped-down writing style. It resolves several long-standing plot threads (some which have been up in the air since "The Big Nowhere"), deals with the Exley/Smith conflict, and introduces Pete Bondurant, who becomes a central character in "American Tabloid" and "The Cold Six Thousand."

Dave Klein was a very, um, memorable character as well. Seriously, that was one twisted dude packing a badge and gun. He made Vic Mackey look like Officer Friendly.

The murder investigation does get a bit a loopy towards the end, but I found the chatotic and perverse nature of the murder investigation, combined with the federal investigation, created a very effective, paranoid atmosphere.

Ellroy said in an interview that the reason "White Jazz's" prose style was so out there was because his original manuscript weighed in at almost 800 pages. His editor told him to shorten it down, so rather than simplify the plot, he cut out all of the articles. No, really. That's what happened.

I'd also reccomend checking out "Clandestine," Ellroy's second book. It also features Dudley Smith, and goes into a lot of detail on his "interrogation techniques."

You know, as much as I like Ellroy, I think that personally, he's kind of a dick. He used to have this "wild man" persona that he eschewed in favor of being a (his words) "social historian" when he published his most recent novel. He loves Bill O'Reilly, hates Bill Clinton, and has even sworn that he will outlive Clinton so that he can use him in fiction.

Well, whatever. The man knows his way around a crime/conspiracy story, there's no denying it. I'd even go as far as to say that along with Cormac McCarthy, he's America's greatest living author.

Nearing the end of Resident Evil 4 myself. I'm very pleased with it. I think it's the only game of the series besides Code:Veronica to totally live up to the hype.

The game did seem to linger a bit too long in a bizzaro-gothic-Devil May Cry-esque castle towards the middle, but other than that, no complaints whatsoever.

It's like they combined my favorite parts of Metal Gear Solid (running around and blasting people in the head with high-caliber weaponry) and the old Resident Evil games (atmosphere, grotesque monsters).

All in all, an excellent facelift to the series. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Tonight's (3/29) episode was not quite as good as the last two, but it was still pretty much bang on. The whole dilemma of whether or not to turn the mother and two kids out on the streets was made kind of obvious by last week's previews anyhow.

Hmmm. Aceveda wasn't in this episode, but Benito Martinez is still in the opening credits. Methinks we haven't seen the last of him by a longshot.

I'm not happy to see Mara back at all, though. Ooh! Maybe this show can pull a "Boomtown," and she can commit Post Partum-related suicide. After an entire season of her, this would be a welcome development, although I don't see it happening. Still, if it does, you heard it called here first.

So Dutch promised the DA that he could "control" Claudette, and do "favors" for their office in exchange for getting off their shit list. Yeah. That's gonna end well.

Oh, and I absolutely howled at the Rap/Porn video. I wish I had TiVo so I could have watched that scene again.

My biggest problem with “Men’s Work” isn’t the message--although I disagree with it--but the “sledgehammer of theme” approach as to how it was presented. Martin’s father was *so* disgusting and boorish and evil. Martin himself, who should appear in a dictionary next to “water baby” was *so* sensitive and misunderstood. His mother was *such* a victim. Still, I could have lived with all of that. The capper for me was the scene where Martin finally snaps and starts wailing on his Dad. Then what happens? Mercury stops him, in typical self-rightgeous fashion, saying that he was only perpetuating his father’s way.

Dude. The man hung him upside down and acted like he was about to gut him like a sow . If that isn’t deserving of a rightgeous beatdown, I don’t know what is.

Still, the treatment of Martin’s dad at the end approached Ennis-esque levels of perversity and bizzare-ness. THAT was well done. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the inspiration for the Quincannon character in “Preacher.”

I have to say, though, that Delano’s run has the least amount of lousy issues of any author, at least to me. The last two issues of the Fear Machine and Men’s Work/Boy’s Games didn’t gel, but everything else was either above average or excellent. Ennis still edges him out as my favorite author, mostly because I identify more with his take on Constantine. But he cranked out more lousy issues (”Love Kills,” and the entire “Damnation’s Flame” story) than Delano did.