A. Heathen

When I was rereading the Paul Jenkins comics, I turned one page and there was was mean and moody Keanu staring out at me with the Devil behind him !

For one moment there, I thought he'd come for me because of my strong words about the movie ... well it was late and I was tired.

Turned out to be an advert for Devil's Advocate.

Hey, Sting, I bet there's a forum where all the people who worked on the movie bitch about us "whining fanboys" who don't understand the movie business.

Until the film comes out, we'll enjoy criticising what we have heard.

When it does, there will almost certainly be redeeming factors, just like there was redemption for Constanteen.

Heh heh, "Some Candy Talking".

Up against the wall, redneck mothers !

And take it to the "Why does the Devil have to be namechecked in all the shite goth/metal tunes?" thread

But won't the police still be looking for him to "help with their enquiries."

Since John's got his Majo Working again, it'd be a fairly simple matter to provide some preventative evidence. Perhaps we'll see that. Perhaps not.

Gotta be Chas. He's been the one constant character in John's saga so far. Sure they've had they're differences, but they are tried and true best buds. The ladies in John's life come and go but Chas is (almost) always there.

GAY!

Been doing some re-reading.

And notably, JC did not just put his Demonic side, or even the Demon-blood into the golem type thing when he split off to fool Buer and FOTF. He put all his badness and Crowley. Then the badness is what he got back from Ellie by shagging her (which is not an easy thing to do with a succubus) something added to by the fact that the spell he used to protect her from FOTF back in the day had some of the old demon blood intermingled.

The Demon refused to help ... and they keep turning up to ask each other to come back and the other one always says no !

As for FOTF at the end of that arc, and the current relationship with John.

Well, John signed a contract.

So when FOTF turned up recently, he probably thought it was another of JC's tricks. And he can wait a long time, whereas John's only got a lifetime.

This issue is a Triple-headed Russian doll isn't it ?

"Kit's John" had given up magic for her. She was no longer the idealised heroine that we know from the original stories. Her child was demonic - "Damien".

"Zed's John" had become the lesser part of a team (which was one of the things that Zed & Marj showed him when they pretty much did their thing without him).

She was not the free spirit that she was all those years ago - I am reminded of the change in appearance of Toyah Wilcox (was going to say Siouxsie, but I'll wait a couple of weeks before I see her perform).

Her child was linked to the plant side of John's sex life.

"Angie's John" was more of a function of his current ageing and insecurity (qv Cat and Mouse). The Nergalites will know less about her, but the simpering Angie we saw was not like her. She is John's female likeness after all.

Her child was a chip off *both* old blocks !

Good point about "Zed" carrying Maria.

Oh that's right, but the implication is that subtlety is one of their inherited qualities - since they know his means genetically ... which would kind of make it interesting should John ever *properly* get back the part that was used in creating the Demon Constantine. Because then he'd have Nergal's family traits to hit them back with.

Well, Chas knows about John's murder rap.

Or has a very good idea about it.

That info you read is true.

Hellblazer started in Nov 1987 and was solicited the usual two or three months earlier under that name, Hellraiser was released in September 1987 and movies have a longer time in production.

Well, lucky number seven passed me by

Lucky number seven called my name and passed on by

Well he came back don't you know

with his brother six in tow

And that is how number thirteen wound up by my side.

And that is how I got these Lonesome Johnny Blues

How I got these Lonesome Johnny Blues

Got the Lonesome Johnny Blues

and there's nothing I can do

'Cept sing these sad old weary Lonesome Johnny Blues

Here we go

Grim Reaper he pulled up into my drive

Grim Reaper pulled his little old Chevrolet right up onto the goddamn drive

"Johnny, I haven't come for you

but I want someone who's dear to you

and the price you pay is to remain alive"

And I'll stay here with these Lonesome Johnny Blues

Stay here with these Lonesome Johnny Blues

With the Lonesome Johnny Blues

and there's nothing I can do

'Cept sing these sad old weary Lonesome Johnny Blues

Woah, no more trouble send him down the road, won't you please.

No more trouble won't you beat him up, won't you send him down the road

Trouble dumped out the trash

Ransacked the place for cash

and he wound up taking much more than I own

And he left me with these Lonesome Johnny Blues

Left me with these Lonesome Johnny Blues

With the Lonesome Johnny Blues

and there's nothing I can do

'Cept sing these sad old weary Lonesome Johnny Blues

Johnny Blues

the sad old weary Lonesome Johnny Blues

Johnny Blues

the sad old weary Lonesome Johnny Blues

Well, meet me by the river that goes nowhere.

Let me lay my sorry trip on you.

Won't you meet me by the river, little darling'?

I might just let you see my bad tattoo.

Well I was gonna bring you flowers, but I didn't.

It's the thought that counts and I think I'm a bit too broke.

But there's some change in my ashtray--maybe just enough to pay.

For a half pint of somethin', probably make us choke.

CHORUS:

Well you know I'd rather not go and meet your family.

They'd probably send me back where I belong.

Don't want to hear about Mr. Right.

'Cause he's out of town tonight.

Baby come and spend some time with Mr. Wrong.

I drive a one-eyed Malibu without a muffler.

And a tape deck that works if you kick it hard enough.

And baby if you like to read, I've got some great pornography.

And a ten pound flashlight rolling in the trunk.

REPEAT CHORUS

Now, do you have a girlfriend and does she look as good as you?

Would she like to meet my brother?

He'll be out of jail in a month or two.

REPEAT CHORUS

Where I come from they call me Mr. Wrong.

I don't think so.

Everyone knows about the HDD and as Hitchcock said, you don't put a load of mystical artefacts in act one unless you are going to rip off James Bond (or Van Helsing) later on.

But my final word about anything I may have had revealed to me by DARK FORCES opposed to this film:

You know that thing with the thing AND the thing, of which I said the first thing was unnecessary ? Well as they made it all up anyway, the other thing could have been scripted as being sufficient. And would have been more in keeping.

"subtle" would hardly be any of the major friends and family though.

And I cannot believe you are really citing the solicitation writers as insight into Hellblazer - they are crap: either giving away info needlessly or missing the point by a country mile !

Regarding Abby, if Andy Diggle couldn't kill off Tefe, I doubt ...oooh wait ... perhaps they'll finish of the Bog Brat ! That tree one could do it !

Excellent thinking by me !

Not much of a spin, though. It would still turn out like Rogan suggests above.

Nah, to be fair that does explain all of the - hnggh - gadgets that Keanu uses in the film. take that out and you'll just confuse the entire audience. "What's up with that matchbox?"

Yes. I know. I was employing the domino theory.

The "Heaven and Hell" thing is fucked up fairly quickly by JC going to that catholic theological place to meet The Snob rather than a gentleman's club. And it keeps going downhill until we get the fairly clear impression that The Snob is a maverick and God worked with Constanteen on the idea to trick Gabriel and Satan. If they use the three months to sort that out rather than the inevitable post-screening comments "needed more kickass demon shooting" or "how dare Constanteen do a deal with the Devil, change it or you will burn in Hell and we will picket your cinemas".

 

Oh, and re Beeman: Remove the HGA from the Demonshoot and leave the <other thing*>. So, remind me why we need the HGA ?

 

* see how thoughtful I am ? A spoiler mask within a spoiler mask !

And another thing:

who says these deaths *have* to make a big emotional impact on John ?

Bullshit.  That scene WAS in the script that Keanu and Francis signed on to do.  What was edited was a last minute polish by another writer to take out 8 or so mill from the budget.  But that scene of trying to con satans side did come before he was forced to go to The Snob.  He had NO alligience to either side as stated.  And those scenes may  now go back in after a successful fiurst screening.

It's a shame that they removed that scene then.

Because it unbalances the whole relationship.

If, as you say, Constanteen were shown trying his luck with both sides it would put a different spin on what happens at the end. The "God has a plan" and "The Devil believes in you" speeches don't help.

The trickery that Constanteen uses to engage God and Satan is very much in keeping with that neutrality we have been talking about, but a few of Constanteen's monologues undermine that.

You know what - they should remove the fucking "Beeman/Q introduces the Holy Weapons of Antioch" scene and replace it with the scene you describe.

Incidentally, as you have your "ear to the ground", let me remind you and Warners that a whole bunch of us Hellblazer readers will be assembled at the London Comics Festival on October 23rd (and on the Friday and Sunday either side of it). This takes place FIVE MINUTES away from Warner's London office.

We will be happy to appraise the 18 minute trailer and advise on restoring Constantine to its former glory.

Michael Palin's sixty.

That's not *that* old !

Coffee & Cigarettes

Well, you like Jim Jarmusch and you'll enjoy this.

But there's some awful pretentiousness around it judging by the audience I watched it with.

Basically, a bunch of set pieces that Jarmusch has set up over the years, while shooting films or waiting to shoot them. The scene is a table, usually two people, improvisation, some coffee and some cigarettes.

It starts with Steven Wright and Roberto Benigni - "I drink coffee before I go to bed so that I dream faster. You know like when they put a camera on front of the cars in the Indie 500 and everything goes rushing past you. People say 'What are your dreams like?' and I tell them I don't know - it's all too fast."

Then Iggy & Tom. "They don't have any of your songs on the jukebox." (later, after Iggy leaves) "HA! They don't have any of his records either !" Here's where the film starts to get a bit silly - Tom says he's also a doctor. Actually this works better when RZA and GZA revisit the theme later on.

Alfred Molina out-acts Steve Coogan without even trying. Coogan plays his usual conceited self.

Looking like Kate Bush, Cate Blanchett plays her cousin meeting Cate Blanchett in a hotel.

In the RZA and GZA sequence, the coffee waiter is Bill Murray. "Hey, aren't you Groundhogdayghostbustin' Bill Murray ?" "So are you addicted to coffee Bill Murray ?"

Steve Buscemi also plays a coffee waiter with Joie & Cinque Lee "Are you twins?" "Which ones the evil one?" and does a similar Elvis Doppelganger routine to the one in Bubba Ho Tep.

Renee French sits smouldering and reading a weapons catalogue.

Some italian guys (Joe Rigano & Vinny Vella (?)) do a goodfellas type thing about "Coffees gonna kill you".

Two african guys meet up. "So why did you call me, what's the matter?" "Nothing." "Are you sure ?"

Two old guys sit outside remeniscing aimlessly. (This was where the folks who obviously felt that they should laugh because it was sooooooo hilarious were most annoying. It was a quite poignant piece, yes funny, but not in the way that these people were laughing.) Bill Rice and Taylor Mead.

Other than the Bill Murray and Steve Buscemi comedy routines, my fave was Meg & Jack White admiring Jack's Tesla Coil.

If you've ever seen Smoke/ Blue in the Face, then latter is more satisfying than this.

http://www.coffeeandcigarettesmovie.com/

Gusher No Binds Me

(As credited in the programme, but Gusha No Bindume on the web.)

Psychic girl Luchino sets off for school in a dystopian future japan where the society is based on huge great building of 200 storeys connected by elevators. She accidentally causes an explosion when escaping from being caught with an illegal cigarette by the Surveillance Bureau.

She boards a lift and is joined by a microbiologist with a briefcase full of money and something else; a woman with a pram that she says has a baby in it; a young guy whose headphones and dark glasses seem to cut him off from his surroundings; and there's a smartly dressed and very efficient lift attendant.

Then on level 99 - Penal Colony - a rapist and a bomber and their guard get on.

Of course things go wrong.

Like all good Japanese horror, they don't waste time unnecessarilyt resolving stuff. And Luchino's visions provide us with all the exposition.

Paranoid, violent, gory and genuinely compelling.

Visually and aurally stimulating.

Sorry, I'm lost as to what we're talking about here. I don't think, given the current set-up of the comic, that reintroducing Rich and his family in Reasons to be Cheerful for the sole purpose of killing them off is a good idea.

 

I'm not clear what this has to do with arms. Can someone explain? You may need to draw diagrams because I'm feeling a bit slow.

You know how a radio and a seat belt are both parts of a car and yet have nothing to do with each other ?

That's like what we were talking about.

Not any more though.

Demons are stupid like Bob Hoskins in Roger Rabbit.

"What, you mean I could have left Hell for Heaven ANY time ? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because that wouldn't have been FUNNY"

But correlating the two was a bit of sophistry on my part.

James observed that new readers might be put off with details like old characters coming back (to be killed), my point was that those same newer readers will not care about things like Tom Constantine's magic arm.

Yes, they are different but they are extremes of the same thing.

And I think that integrity of the long history of the book is as much served by attention to detail as it is by revisiting past details in major AND minor ways.

Continuity is not a case of including all or nothing, after all.

At least not if it is going to reflect real life.

Then again in the context of All His Engines, there's not going to be many new folks going for a hardcover, is there?

And I would like to reiterate that shoddy research of photoreference may be laid at the doors of artists, but continuity like this is more down to corporate editors.

That's a good point. Rosa's attitude to John is the same as Gemma's was to magic until recently.

Not quite sure what you mean by this...?

Well, if you want details like the man with the wavy hand to be correct (and why not?) then it's fair game to have characters from the past (as well as events) come back to haunt John regardless of how long ago or how popular they might be. Whether they turn up with important messages or get killed howwibly.

These are different aspects of the same thing in the larger story.

ie using the foundation work of the past two hundred issues.

After all, who is going to know that Thomas Constantine lost his left arm?

I thought that too.

I wonder if there's any of the REAL Constantine's Angels in those three ?

"subtle revenge"

Nah, I'm too young for that.

Re killing off characters, as we often come to the subject of the great big huge continuity laden behemoth that is the 200 issue monthly series, I think it's as reasonable to knock off someone from the "distant" past as it is to make sure you get amputated arms on the right (I mean left) side.

If the Nergal family are after John's friends they can go back a long long way.

Although Chas, Cheryl & Gemma have to be ultimate targets. As do Kit, Zed and Angie - who are "special" among the ladies he's had relationships and/or sex with.