A. Heathen

I never discuss supposed "twists" without good cause.

I thought it was handled well except Old Boy's erm "mental breakdown".

I studied some psychology, me.

(And I checked it was a mistake before I defended it with my cleverousness.)

Ah but ... what does the editor do in these matters ?

The new man wouldn't make that mistake !

I hereby propose that, as this story probably takes places after Constantine's memory is back, that his memory does not come back properly, which explains why he imagines his dad as being himself.

There, it's all sorted.

Nice try, Jim "Pogue" McMahon.

But he lost the arm before John was born, and was shown in flashback ushering Mrs C off to the coathanger lady ... thereby lie retrospective spoilers for issue 100.

Okay since everyone is getting the wrong end of various sticks:

Oct 23rd - London Comics Festival

Oct 24th - Comic mart - for all your back-issue needs; same venue or just across the road.

Nov 6th-7th - Bristol Comics Expo I - with Hellblazer talk by Mike Carey (possible slide show and special extras)

May 14th - Bristol Comics Expo II - basically Comics Festival without Kev Sutherland having to organise it. Mike Allwood (& possibly Dez Skinn) taking over the whole show. Allegedly same weekend as a Xena convention ... cue Ade sat in bar pretending to be Joxer and hoping Callisto turns up.

later that same year:

London - I've been urging Kev to bring it forward to link with The Big Draw which some of you may have seen on TV last weekend.

Brighton - tbc for November.

Adrian Brown- The new Tammy Wynette.

Fuck off, I'm Pete Wylie.

The merge function is a fucking joy - being able to split those creepy "OMG~! A GIRL" posts into one thread makes it all worthwhile for me.

 

As you said, there's lots of interesting features in there - take the daily breakdown of posters for example, Rogan has posted 117 posts in 12 hours.

Go on then, merge all the "Oh Look, New Forums" threads into one !

As before, if all your new toys get too much to handle, I suggest you hold an election on US Election day to appoint a second in command.

I'll be Hilary Clinton.

I could not possibly confirm any knowledge of any "Hellblazer Slideshow".

Now I just need someone to film it ...

have the films crew come over from the old forum yet ?

I will be at the Expo on the Friday and Saturday but leaving Bristol on the last train from trancentral which probably arrives back in London at 3am Eternal.

Peice of shit, peice of shit, peice of shit, peice of shit, peice of shit, peice of shi-it.

 

Heh.

 

Still got it.

 

New house, same old Tom.

I thought you was referring to:

Constanteen, Constanteen,

Not a scouse, knoworrah mean ?

Is he a Brit ?

Listen bud, our Kanoo is just as good.

God saaave...

American Constanteen !

And finally for now:

The Village

Not so much a review as an instruction.

If you go to this film expecting anything more than a postmodern fairy tale, you are a damn fool. If you wish to prove how you can out-guess M Night Shamalayandingdong and his famous "twist" endings then stay at home and watch The Farm (UK TV show which basically has the same plot - celebs in old-fashioned rural setting). Does knowing the final scene of Planet of the Apes ruin that film ?

No it does not.

Just watch it and enjoy the pleasant scenery, the unsophisticated characters and the mystery of what is stalking the Village. It Is A Fairy Tale !

That is all.

Wicked...I'm very much looking forward to seeing that. Any chance you've got a copy I could borrow, or did you see it in an actual cinema?

The V crowd are considering a screening - watch this space or come along to the usual drink-up (although I will be leaving around 7ish tonight). I may also have some spare tickets of interest to you for late Friday night.

Frightfest 2004

Oldboy was fun.

Apparently arbitrary street kidnapping turns out to be about revenge, but why ? And when our man gets out (after fifteen years) of what appears to be a warehouse where gangsters hold kidnapped people until ransoms are paid or the joke is over.

He then has to find out why he was victimised (in fact first he has to find where he was). When he does, there is a great fight scene in a corridor - consider the two man fight scene in They Live, but make it thirty to one ! The motive of his tormentor is revealed shortly before the FULL REVENGE PLOT is revealed, and he's not happy (cue the one scene I could have done without, where he begs and grovels and barks like a dog).

Buppah Rahtree was the funniest film we saw.

Starting like a very morose love gone wrong story, once the female lead had died, the comedy supporting cast kicked into gear as they tried to exorcise her appartment. Complete with a Thai man with Phil Spector wig and young european sidekick ... who just happens to be a catholic priest and offers to do a free exorcism. Which turns into an Exorcist parody.

Oh and the charlatan Monkey God priest, whose subtitles said "Fuck me !" when the corpse moved :-)

My favourite film was CODE 46.

Tim Robbins and Sam Morton in a future where incestuous relationships are made more likely by cloning, but are still illegal (yes, that bit was easy to guess thanks to the introductory text on the screen !)

Reminded me of Until The End of the World or possibly Blade Runner (same author of course).

I was disappointed that the films I chose were not so much horror.

The most appalling and horrifying film was the portrayal of the misogynistic would-be pimps who became the Hillside Strangler. Pre-PC Seventies stuff like Auto Focus is one thing but this was horrible. And so it should be, I am tired of "Hollywood serial killers". I can't say I'd recommend the film but if you've seen the same team's Ed Gein or Ted Bundy, you know what to expect.

btw Next year, please don't anyone let me change my mind about getting a £99 weekend pass.

The Card Player = worst Dario Argento film ever made.

CSI LIVE with pointless poker game and poor script (some improvised and wholly unnatural)

The I Inside = quite poor Tales of the Unexpected plot stretched too thinly.

Romasanta was quite nice to look at, contains one werewolf transformation which may or may not be a delusion, but it sure looked good. (one Frightfester asked the director why he did not make it more of a werewolf film ... erm, because it is based on a real story.) This film could do with dropping "Werewolf Hunt" from its title. Julian Sands in "alright" performance shock !

One Point 0 was intensely paranoid and worked better than all the other paranoia in this festival put together. The guys who played Billy out of 6 Feet Under, Debra Unger, Lance Henriksen and Udo Kier - "what happened to your nanobot sofa ?" "It's broken :-("

An interesting satire on commercialism and a plausible mental breakdown

(even if there turns out to be an other reason for thw breakdown.)

And I nearly forgot one of the best lines in Buppah Rahtree:

(Reading from newspaper) " 'Girl commits suicide ...' 'Father kills daughters ...' Shit, and this is meant to be a Buddhist country !"

And an extra film that turned out to be my favourite and the scariest film we saw.

Creep.

A british film starring Franka Potente as a socialite who gets terrorised for wanting to sleep with George Clooney. Well, not as such, but indirectly.

She ends up locked in the London Underground at night.

And SOMETHING from the old Charing Cross hospital is down there with her (and a few other characters).

Genuinely scary and well told.

Some gruesome scenes once things become clearer (ie after the first time you see the assailant). And perhaps you'll avoid the tube for a while !

With three film festivals this Autumn, and an unhealthy passion for buying DVDs, here's where I will put some reviews. Feel free to add your own or attempt to argue with me on subjects like "Why The Village is a good film if you are just prepared to NOT FUCKING LOOK BEHIND THE CURTAIN!"

By special request, we begin with Bubba Ho Tep.

Bruce Campbell (the world's greatest actor, from the Evil Dead films and Autolycus in Hercules and Xena) is Elvis Presley ! That is to say, he is Sebastian Haff, a seventy year old man in a nursing home who claims that he was Elvis but decided one day to pack it all in and replace himself with a very good lookalike. You think he's demented ? Well what about Ossie Davis as John F "Jack" Kennedy - former president of the USA, saved from an assassin's bullet, but left brain damaged - AND HIDDEN AS A BLACK MAN ?

The King and The President must save the world ... or their residential home ... from the soul-sucking undead mummy that stalks the premises. (He can suck souls from any orifice.)

Based on a wickedly funny story by Joe R Lansdale, and once the belief/disbelief about who they are has been dispensed with, you can take it either way.

And the good news for anyone waiting for Constanteen - an excellent soundtrack.

Demonic scarab beetles leap at old folk !

Sassy nurses sass the King !

Elvis's Nineteen Seventies decline is explained in a satisfactory manner !

Will they save the day ?

And did JFK sleep with Marilyn Monroe ?

All these and more.

On a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is Fat Elvis on the toilet and 10 is Fat Elvis in a spangly cape singing "A Hunka Hunka Burning Love", this is 9 (a young Elvis singing "Jailhouse Rock")

Ade.

Living in central London may fuck your lungs up, but I like it.

I'll be doing those Hellblazer annotations as long as Mike Carey is writing it.

(john, while I think of it, perhaps you could add a link to the old forum discussions on the end of each of the annotations pages ?)

I am a serial gig watcher - currently awaiting a three day road trip to follow Camper Van Beethoven around the UK (though sadly not in a camper van).

While I support Birmingham City and followed them through their 15 years in the wilderness, I no longer have a season ticket because football is too damn expensive these days.

My favourite film ever is usually "It's A Wonderful Life", although this week it is Bubba Ho Tep as my avatar might suggest.

Heroes: Julian Cope, Frank Worthington, Johnny Depp.

That will be all.

For now.